I get it. I do. Really, I appreciate that people who aren’t my spouse are still excited about the baby’s arrival. However, sometimes I think it would just be easier if I made a shirt that answered all the questions that frequently come up, like my due date, how I was feeling, and what we’re having. Oh, and also said in giant letters “NO WE ARE NOT SHARING THE NAME.”

I’d wager that for many of us, following the size of your baby is kinda fun for the first half of the pregnancy. However, for the latter half, it’s a chore. Cauliflower? Sweet potato? Cantaloupe? I don’t know, and I’m mad that I was even asked because it’s just one more reminder that I need to be eating all the superfoods every day, and I’m failing miserably because they don’t really align with my donut cravings.

The plague of morning sickness is well-known and well-documented. I didn’t have it as badly as many women do, but that doesn’t mean I was willing, or able, to eat regularly during the first months of pregnancy. Those were dark days, full of lots of plain, starchy foods, carbonated beverages, and streaming TV, which, under most circumstances wouldn’t be all that bad. However, when they’re coupled with nausea and constant vomiting, they are, indeed, pretty bad.

True story: I found myself using dagger eyes at my husband a few weeks ago when we were out to lunch with my mother-in-law. He dared to take some fries out of the shared basket in the middle of the table. Yes, you read that right, it was a shared basket for the group. I’m not proud of this. But, in that moment, I needed all of the fries. All of them. The only thing worse than being a hungry pregnant woman, is being a hungry pregnant woman watching her food supply diminish right in front of her eyes.

If only all baby shopping was as fun as baby clothes shopping. Sadly, when it comes to humidifiers and bottles and monitors, they’re not nearly as cute or snuggly as onesies and pajamas. Thankfully, during my first pregnancy, I had a friend pass along her own baby shopping list that was literally a three page excel sheet (that included pricing research) so we weren’t starting from scratch, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t still have moments of overwhelm.

I kinda wish it was culturally, socially, and professionally acceptable for women to simply hibernate during their final months of pregnancy. However, since it’s sadly not an option for most of us, I’ll take the next best thing: wearing lots of sweats in the comfort of my home. Anything that requires more of me and forces me to face the rest of my closet is just not fun these days.

Speaking of changing clothes, those next steps and leaving the house takes some serious motivation. OK, maybe I’m exaggerating slightly, especially since I was way more active during my first pregnancy (when I worked out of the house) than I have been during my second (now, I’m working out of the home).

Still, in some ways, it feels like practice for when baby arrives. I’m constantly checking and re-checking to ensure I’ve got all the snacks, water, and clothing I could possibly need to avoid major malfunctions and meltdowns.

Now that I’m on the other side with a child of my own, I totally understand the instinct to share what I’ve learned. Still, I can’t recall any instance when I actually heeded the advice of a well-meaning stranger. That’s not to say it didn’t happen, but I’m much more inclined to trust people I know and sources I am familiar with, than a random person who stopped me in the grocery store to talk about sleep training.

It never fails. Even when I stop drinking water way before bedtime and even when I get up multiple times to go to the bathroom before I fall asleep, I will still find myself awake and needing to get up during the night. And, trust me, the longer I lay there, the less likely the urge is to go away (I’ve tried everything).

I was going to stop with “getting out of bed,” but then I realized that “getting up from a seated position” and “going downstairs” and "going upstairs" and “getting a glass of water” aren’t fun, either. If anyone needs me, I’ll just be over here, trying to stay as horizontal as possible for as long as possible.