10 Ways To Kick Someone Out Of The Labor And Delivery Room, Because Your Comfort Matters

Ad failed to load

It didn't take me long to figure out who I wanted in the labor and delivery room with me when it came time to meet my son. In fact, I think just a few days after I found out I was pregnant. I wanted my partner there, I knew my two best friends would be there, and I knew I wanted my mother there. Anyone else was not welcome, including hospital staff members who made me uncomfortable. So, I figured out ways to kick someone out of the labor and delivery room when I was contracting and pooping and trying to focus on something as empowering and taxing as labor and delivery. I wanted to be kind to those who felt so attached to my pregnancy that they hoped to witness it end, but I also wanted to make sure I had the birth experience I wanted.

My mom couldn't fly in, so a grand total of three people (plus my doctors and nurses) watched my son come into the world. For the most part, people were respectful of who I wanted in the labor and delivery room, and I didn't feel like I upset anyone by "laying down the law." However, one nurse was assigned to me that I really and truly didn't get along with. I found her to be combative, judgmental, and just not someone who made me feel powerful or comfortable. In other words, she had to go. I didn't want to be "rude," and I didn't want to be that patient the entire labor and delivery floor talked about (worries that, now, seem so ridiculous) so I wanted to be kind but firm.

Which is why the following ways to kick someone out of a labor and delivery room proved to be so beneficial, for me, throughout the entire process that was me bringing my son into the world. Whether it was a nurse that made me uncomfortable or just well-meaning friends who wanted to be supportive, I found the following tactics to be some of the best ways to kick someone out of a delivery room. After all, when you're the one in labor, what you need matters above all else.

Ad failed to load

Have Your Partner Do It


When I realized that a specific nurse could no longer be in the room if I was going to feel comfortable and capable of concentrating on the task at hand, I gave my partner what can only be described to as "the look." Oh, you know "the look." It's the glance shared between two people that says, "If you don't take care of this problem right this second I am going to scream and/or lose my freakin' mind."

I put him to task and he went through the proper channels to have this particular nurse re-assigned. I didn't have to worry about it and could, instead, focus on bringing our son into the world.

Have Your Doula Do It

I didn't have a Doula (I couldn't afford one and, honestly, I had such a wonderful team of doctors and nurses, I didn't think I needed one) however, I have many friends who have either used Doula's and their services, or are Doulas themselves.

This type of a situations is definitely something you can, and should, ask your Doula to handle. After all, they're there to help ease you through the stages of labor and support you any way you need.

Make Them In Charge Of The People In The Waiting Room


I had two of my best friends in the labor and delivery room with me. I consider those two women family, so there wasn't really a question as to whether or not they would be present for the birth of my son.

I did have other friends who wanted to be present, too, but I didn't feel as comfortable having them in the room. I also didn't want to hurt their feelings because, well, some friends were "invited," and some weren't. So, I made those friends in charge of the waiting room. I found that giving certain friends tasks that didn't involve being present as I was pushing another human being out of my body, gave them a sense of purpose and didn't make them feel left out. Problem. Solved.

Ad failed to load

Ask Them To Keep Your Parents And/Or Friends Informed

My mother couldn't be present for the birth of her grandson, because Alaska is pretty far away. So, I put a friend in charge of giving her minute-by-minute updates. I didn't want to be on the phone with my mother while I was contracting or pushing, but I wanted her to feel like she was involved in the process, even when she was thousands of miles away.

My friend was able to feel like she was part of the process, too, without actually being in the room, and my mother felt like she was there. It was perfect.

Sends Them Out For Food


Not only is this essential, it will help get that certain someone out of the room (and even out of the hospital). Whatever you're craving is probably something people will be more than happy to run out and get you because, again, it gives someone a purpose and makes them feel like they're part of the labor and delivery process (and, to me, the person with the food was the most important person in my life after I gave birth — besides my kid, of course).

Basically, Give Them A Task They Have To Leave The Room To Complete

Honestly, whatever you can think of that gets someone out of your room or out of the hospital — but is still related to your labor and delivery and/or them doing something to assist you — is a good way to go. Need that one blanket you unfortunately forgot? Ask them to grab it. Forgot your birthing playlist back at home on your aging iPod? Send someone to fetch it. I guarantee you, the people who care about you to the point they would want to be present when you bring another human into the world, are going to jump at the chance to help anyway they can.

Ad failed to load

Have Your Doctor Do It...


I know that everyone's OB-GYN is different, as is their relationship with them, so perhaps you wouldn't be comfortable asking your doctor to take care of an unwanted visitor. Understandable.

I, personally, had a great relationship with my doctor, and felt completely comfortable with her (and the team she had assembled to help me birth my baby). I just told my doctor that I didn't want anyone else in the room and, well, that was that. When friends showed up last-minute (as I was pushing), the doctor told one of the nurses to handle it. I barely even noticed when two friends were kept from coming into the room.

...Or Ask For The Charge Nurse

I didn't ask the charge nurse to reassign the nurse I didn't get along with and/or feel comfortable with, but my partner did. He went straight to the charge nurse, who handled the situation in a respectable and professional manner. That way, my partner didn't have to engage in a potentially awkward conversation with the nurse we didn't really like, and the charge nurse could simply say she needed that particular nurse elsewhere. No one's feelings were hurt and, in the end, that's part of the charge nurse's job anyway.

Of Course, You Can Always Just Tell Them To Leave


It never came to this, for me, but I know that if it was necessary I wouldn't have hesitate to tell someone to simply leave.

In the end, I was the one who needed to be comfortable; who needed to have my space; who needed to feel supported by the very specific people I was willing to have support me. I didn't need to spend too much time focused on other people's wants or their feelings. After all, I was the one in extreme pain, doing something as unbelievable as birthing a human being. If telling someone what I needed was really going to upset them, they probably were probably less concerned with my needs, and more concerned with their own.

Ad failed to load

(Remember: Don't Ask. Tell. You Get To Demand Things.)

Pro Tip: Don't ask. Tell. You don't need to worry about being "nice" or "polite." You get to be demanding, dear reader. You're birthing another human being.

Is it kind of you to care about the thoughts and feelings of your friends and family members? Of course. However, in the end, their thoughts and feelings are at the very bottom of your priority list. Do what you need to do so that you can finally meet your baby.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

5 Parenting Habits That Increase Your Chances Of Successfully Potty-Training Your Child

From starting solids to learning to walk, every childhood milestone presents its own unique set of challenges — but this is especially true of potty training. Indeed, the very thought strikes fear into the heart of many a toddler parent, particularly…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

Getting Pregnant Might Mean Losing The Plus-Size Body I Love

For the last two years, I haven’t been my body’s biggest champion. I’ve gained 50 pounds. The stress of helping a parent get sober, a house purchase, and a new job got the best of me. But now, at 36, with talks between my husband and I about having a…
By Loren Kleinman

7 Hilarious Differences Between Having A Baby In Your 20s Vs Your 30s

I was 24 when I had my daughter. And even though that pregnancy was neither expected nor pleasant, I was optimistic. Sure, I guess your 20s are "supposed" to be about finding yourself, finishing college, starting your career, and navigating less-than…
By Candace Ganger

Babies "R" Us Was The First Place I Went When I Found Out I Would Be A Mom

For years I struggled to have a baby, and the sight of toys and layettes made my heart hurt. For me, Toys "R" Us and Babies "R" Us were a complete no-go zone, a reminder of everything I was missing out on. My mom would walk the long way around Target…
By Becky Bracken

New Moms Have Two Options: Be "Sad & Fat" Or "Desperate & Thin"

As the line goes, the worst thing you could say about me, I've already thought about myself. In the early postpartum period with my son, it was: "I am overweight, lonely, and heartbroken." It was four days after I brought my son into the world, and I…
By Danielle Campoamor

6 Fascinating Facts About Spring Babies: You Could Have A Leader On Your Hands

Does the season in which you are born affect you or are all seasons pretty equal? It turns out that there are many ways in which the your child's birth season could give you an insight into things to come. Whether you are expecting a baby in the next…
By Shari Maurer

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In April

It's that time of the month again: as March draws to a close, Netflix gets ready for a little bit of spring cleaning. Though some TV shows and movies will have to find homes elsewhere, their departure makes room for all kinds of exciting new media. A…
By Megan Walsh

I'm A Stay-At-Home Mom &, Face It, These 11 Stereotypes Are Totally True

Hello, friends! It's me, your resident stay-at-home mom. You know, there's a lot that's said about me and my kind, and the vast majority of it is not even remotely true. For example, this whole "we're lazy, vapid, unambitious, anti-feminist, backstab…
By Jamie Kenney

The Pressure To Worry About The Gap Between Kids Is So Bad For Moms

"Two under two is absolutely crazy," a friend recently told me upon hearing the news that I was expecting a second child. "Why would you do this to yourself? Seriously, why?" However harsh her words, she was only echoing the same feelings I'd been ba…
By Marie Southard Ospina

To Be Honest, I Couldn't Survive Motherhood Without My Job

The decision to work outside the home once you've become a parent can be a complicated one. Some people don't really have a choice, and go back to work because they're either a single parent or can't sustain their family on one income. Some choose to…
By Priscilla Blossom

I Feel Guilty That My Kid’s Dad Is A Better Parent Than Me, & That’s BS

I was scared, and he was sure. I was clueless, and he was well-researched. I was making mistakes, and he was picking up the pieces. From the moment I found out I was pregnant until just last night, when I threw my hands up in the air and left the alw…
By Danielle Campoamor

These Millennial Parents Are Taking Gender-Neutral Parenting To An Entirely New Level

A woman on the subway looks at my bulbous shape and asks, “What are you having?” I take a deep breath and throw a glance to my 5-year-old. “I’m having a baby,” I say to the woman. “No, no” the woman says laughing as she pushes further. “Are you havin…
By Madison Young

My Daughter Is Obsessed With Being "Pretty" & I'm Way Past Terrified

Last week, when I picked up my daughter after school, she immediately wanted to know if I liked her hair. "Is it pretty?" she asked. Her hair was pulled up into two ponytails that were intertwined into thick, long braids. A shimmering pink and purple…
By Dina Leygerman

7 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 20s, But I Will

I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. The pregnancy was a surprise, since I was on birth control (side note: antibiotics and birth control don't mix), but my partner and I decided to continue with the pregnancy and committed to m…
By Candace Ganger

7 Things I Wish My Partner Had Said To Me In The First Hour After Giving Birth

I don't know if it was the buzz of the surrounding machines, the non-existent cry of our son as the doctors tried to resuscitate him, or the fact that I'd already been through labor and delivery once before, but I knew something was missing after I h…
By Candace Ganger

Moms’ Groups Weren’t For Me, Sorry

I go to my moms’ club everyday of the week, but not usually on weekends. My moms' group is a place I can always count on finding fellow mothers who understand the daily struggles and triumphs of parenthood and of juggling life’s responsibilities. Dep…
By Samantha Taylor

I've Had 3 Miscarriages But *Please* Keep Telling Me About Your Pregnancy

I can feel the tension the moment my friend announces her pregnancy. I can hear the forced nonchalant attitude she's willing herself to exude as she fishes for the ultrasound. I know why I was the last to learn that she was expecting; why she keeps l…
By Danielle Campoamor

7 Early Signs You're Going To Need An Epidural, According To Experts

Even if you've constructed an elaborate birth plan, it's impossible to control every aspect of labor and delivery. Complications can occur, proactive measures might be necessary, and your mind is subject to change when those damn contractions really …
By Candace Ganger

11 Essential Products To Pack In Your Hospital Bag, According To OB-GYNs

The minute you go into labor (or think you're going into labor), chaos ensues. You and your partner are likely to get a little frantic, just like in the movies, so you most definitely want to have a hospital bag packed before the day comes. This prec…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

7 Photos You *Must* Take In The First 6 Months Of Motherhood

In my experience, becoming a mom is like becoming an amateur photographer. There's just something about the need to capture every single coo and sorta-smile that leaves you obsessed with all things photography. I know I couldn't stop taking selfies w…
By Candace Ganger