Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

11 People Whose Permission You Don't Need If You Want To Get Your Tubes Tied

Ad failed to load

When you tell people you're going to have a tubal ligation procedure, also known as "having your tubes tied," to prevent future pregnancies, they usually have one of two reactions: they try to talk you out of it, or they ask you a ton of personal questions. Sometimes, if you're "lucky," they do both. It's infuriating, because there's a long list of people whose permission you don't need to get your tubes tied, and that list includes pretty much everyone but you.

The first time I inquired about tubal ligation, I was about to give birth to my second child. I thought I was going to have to have a c-section, and asked if they would do a tubal, you know, "while they were in there." Their answer? No. I was so confused. Even though getting the procedure during delivery would allow me to avoid an additional surgery under general anesthesia, and I had endured a high risk pregnancy with many complications, they refused. Turns out, the hospital is ran by a Catholic hospital group, so  they will not perform sterilization procedures, prescribe birth control, or perform therapeutic abortions, even if they are medically necessary to save someone's life.

I ended up getting divorced and remarried, and my husband and I decided to have another child. After our child was born, my husband decided to get a vasectomy, but we soon discovered that our health insurance didn't cover the procedure. It did cover tubal ligation at 100 percent, though, so, I asked my OB-GYN about the procedure and had the surgery a few weeks later.

Ad failed to load

Unfortunately, it seems like everyone from friends and family to the nurse checking us in at the surgical ward had an opinion about it. In case you have questions, like theirs, I will save you some time. Yes, I'm sure I don't want to be pregnant again. Yes, my husband is supportive. No, I don't need his permission, because it's my body. No, it's really not any of your business.

The fact that it seems like people with uteruses feel like they need permission to permanently prevent pregnancy sort of implies that they exist on the planet to have babies, and have babies only. It's not only sexist, but it's pretty offensive to people who don't want to or can't have babies. Besides, I literally didn't need anyone's permission to get my tubes tied. Period.

Ad failed to load

Your Doctor


When I was hospitalized at the end of my last pregnancy, I mentioned to the Maternal Fetal Specialist consulting on my case that I was interested in a tubal ligation to prevent future pregnancies. The first thing he asked me was, "Is your husband OK with that?" I promptly asked for another doctor. No, you don't get to have an opinion about my future fertility.

Your Partner

As much as I love my husband and ask for his input about pretty much everything, I am the final decision-maker about what happens to my body, especially when it comes to major surgery and future pregnancies. Fortunately, mine was super supportive of me never going through pregnancy again, and we are sure that our family is complete.

The Hospital Administrator


It's pretty hard to believe that in 2017, not only do some medical providers not provide evidence-based care (like tubal ligation), but they don't seem to care if women die from high risk pregnancies or complications. Seriously, you shouldn't need permission from a hospital administrator to control your fertility.

Ad failed to load

Your Family

So many people in my and my husband's families had opinions about my surgery, which were vocalized in the form of questions ranging from, "Why isn't he getting a vasectomy?" to, "Are you sure?" to, "Well, just think about it."

Your Children

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

My kids and stepkids were really excited for their new baby brother to be born, but they also saw how hard a high risk pregnancy was for me and our whole family. However, when my daughter asked me if I was going to have more babies, I didn't know what to say. For a variety of reasons, I didn't tell her or any of my children about my tubal ligation. I may tell them when they are older, if they ask.  

Your Health Insurance Company

This one was actually true. Even though it was covered at 100 percent under the Affordable Healthcare Act, my health insurance company had to approve the procedure and give "permission" for it to be covered. Grrrr.

Ad failed to load

The Surgical Staff


When I checked in at the hospital for my surgery, everyone asked me at least twice if I was sure. Come on, people. I am an adult and I have voluntarily checked myself in for surgery. Yes, I am sure.  

Your Ex

My ex-husband had enough to say about my latest pregnancy, so there's no way in hell I was ever going to consult him about this. It's none of his freaking business. Plus, and to be honest, not wanting to talk to my ex about it is one reason why I've not told my children.

Your Future Partner


Getting a tubal ligation was really empowering, but I'd be lying if I didn't think about what would happen if my husband died and I met someone new. Would they love me if I could no longer get pregnant? Ultimately, I decided that I don't owe anyone explanations for decisions about my body and my fertility. Also, those worries are pretty morbid.  

Ad failed to load

Your Future Self

Even though she doesn't get a say, I think future me will appreciate the peace of mind and freedom of not having to be pregnant ever again. In case future me is reading this and has forgotten how horrible and scary pregnancy was, let this serve as a reminder. It really sucked.

Literally No One, But You

No one else gets a say. Literally. You get to decide what happens to your body, if you get and stay pregnant, and if you want to have children now or any time in the future. Can we please get passed the idea that all women should want and have children at all points in their lives? It's OK if you have one child, 10 children, or you stay child-free. If you don't want kids or have decided you never want to be pregnant again, you have the right to decide to get your tubes tied, no matter if you are young, old, single, or married. You don't need anyone's permission.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

8 Things That *Will* Go Wrong Every Time You Plan A Kid-Free Night

The last time my husband and I went out to dinner alone was… actually, I can’t remember. But I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen a movie in a theater in the last year. Before we had children we used to go out all the time. But even with …
By Liza Wyles

These Photos Of North West Then & Now Will Take You On A Sweet Trip Down Memory Lane

When Kim Kardashian welcomed her first daughter, North West, with her husband, Kanye West, in 2013, her whole life was changed. The social media and reality TV star became a mom for the first time and her Instagram presence took a very adorable turn.…
By Casey Suglia

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

This Is What It Means If Your Pregnancy Test Changes Overnight

The time between when a woman suspects she might be pregnant and when it is confirmed for sure is the longest of her life. Regardless of whether you are hoping for a positive or a negative result, the odds are good that you are sweating bullets when …
By Shannon Evans

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack