I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I am a freaking superhero. Actually, never mind, I am here to brag. I won't even lie, I'm not one of those super humble, hiding-my-cool-superhero-suite-under-my-normal-clothes type of superhero. Oh no, I am a loud and proud superhero. I mean, I deserve the right to be obnoxious about my super strength, because usually I'm just criticizing my parenting. So once in a while, I have to recognize that moms have super powers that would make X-Men jealous. You see, the X-Men are incredible, but moms are superhuman in a way that surpasses all realm of understanding, even comic-book levels of incredible abilities. Moms are the real superheroes in our world, seeing everything, hearing everything, and feeling everything. So, move over Professor Charles Francis Xavier. Us moms are the boss.
Before I get into my actual abilities, I'd like to take you back to how it all began. It's important to understand the history of motherhood in order to appreciate the true meaning of superpowers. When I had my first child, I was blown away by the natural capabilities I apparently had. I had no idea motherhood came with such extraordinary sovereignty.
It started slow, first realizing my body could create food. Then, just like Wolverine, my body healed itself. Whoa. Then, day after day, sometimes hour after hour, I was hit with one power after the other. I was suddenly able to see things while my back was turned, to hear whispers across the house, and to wake up seconds before the baby would. Cautiously, I accepted my powers and now use them with utmost responsibility. I use my powers for good, and only very rarely for evil.
All mothers possess these powers and all mothers often forget just how super phenomenal they are. This is your reminder, mom. You could give Storm a run for her mutant-money.
We Can Use Our Bodies To Feed A Human
Have you ever heard of an X-Men producing food and nourishing others? Yeah, me neither. Most mothers are able to nurse their children (and sometimes even other children) with simply milk from their breasts. Now, tell me that's not a freaking superpower. I am still in awe of the mother's body's ability to create something that can sustain a human being for at least the first six months of his life.
We Heal Boo Boos With A Single Kiss
Sure, some X-Men can heal others with their powers, but can they do so with a kiss and a hug? I don't think so. If my child falls on the playground and scrapes his knee, he runs to me so I can kiss the knee and make it all better. In fact, not only are moms able to help their their kids recover physically with a single kiss, but emotionally as well. Be jelly, X-Men.
We Can Do 10 Things All At Once
Mothers can simultaneously hold an infant, cook dinner, answer phone calls, clean the kitchen, and do some laundry. They can nurse their newborn, eat, work, and hold a perfectly sound conversation all at once. If multitasking won awards, mothers would win one every day. It's as if mothers have 10 hands, all working together for the greater good.
We Are Clairvoyant
"This is going to end poorly. Someone is going to get hurt," is what I say to my children when they are running around the house like two wound up bunnies. I can see it clearly: a bumped head, a hurt knee, an accidental punch in the stomach, or a poke in the eye. Mothers can see it all before anything even happens. Even more amazing is their ability to predict the exact moment when their newborn is about to wake up. Seriously, they can feel it in their bones, a suddenly a restless baby arises.
We Create Human Beings
I mean, this is an obviously impressive superpower, but women create life. Their bodies house and grow a human being for 40 (more or less) weeks, and their bodies adjusts to the need of that human being. Then they just go right ahead and birth that human being, only to nurture that human being all on their very own. That is a super-superpower.
We Can Fight Off Any Boogie Man or Monster
Yes, I am aware that many X-Men can fight off villains and monsters, but when mothers do it, those miscreants go away for good. Plus, for mothers, fighting off the Boogie Man requires minimal effort, not an epic battle, like for some genetically mutated people.
We Know Everything
OK, so strictly speaking this one isn't totally true, but our children think it is. To our kids, we know everything and I never admit otherwise. Mothers possess infinite knowledge and it only grows as our kids get older. To be fair, even if we don't technically know everything, we do know a whole lot and that's still a great power to have.
We Have Infinite Patience
While many mothers claim they have very little patience, as far as humans go, mothers have a ridiculous amount of patience. Yes, it sometimes run thin, but overall just consider how much we put up with on the daily. Mothers are really astonishing superheros: they can watch their kids poop on the floor, step in that poop, and drag it though the house and still remain (mostly) calm and collected (and not give the kid away to some stranger on the street who could, maybe, at least keep a plant alive for a week). That's a superpower, my friend.
We Turn Hot Things Into Cold Things
Mothers can take hot soup, and with a few blows, turn it into a completely acceptable temperature for a toddler to enjoy. My children instinctively know when they bite into a hot grilled cheese sandwich, I will be able to use my cooling superpowers and make it so it doesn't burn their mouths. I am kind of like Iceman, but cooler. (See what I did there? Puns are also a superpower moms have but children kind of hate.)
We Can Make Our Kids Do Anything...
...just tell them they'll get chocolate after. I bet Wolverine can't do that.
We Love Forever
A mother's love heals broken hearts, shattered dreams, and defeated spirits. A mother's hug wipes away the hardest day, a sleepless night, and the toughest obstacle. A mother's word can alleviate the cruelest judgement, the worst self-criticism, and the strongest guilt. A mother's greatest superpower is her ability to love, to love deeply, to love honestly, and to love unconditionally.
A mother's superpower is motherhood.