I’m not sure about you guys, but my nesting instincts were the one of the few pregnancy side effects that actually didn’t sound all that bad to me. I mean, endless energy and motivation to clean and organize and then re-organize all over again? As a naturally messy person who spends way more energy fighting my instincts, this was kind of a dream. So, as you can imagine, when I finally did get my burst of nesting vibes, I was shouting from the rooftops. Of course, by "shouting from the rooftops." I mean, “sending all the texts about nesting that pregnant women could ever send.”

The day I felt that inexplicable burst of unfounded energy, was a great and wonderful day. The third trimester, for the most part, is basically an endless hell on earth, so nesting (for me) was more than worth the wait (just ask anyone who saw how beautiful our basement steps looked). Not only did it give me something to do (OK, multiple things to do) while I waited for my kid to show up, it made me feel better about bringing said kid back home because, well, my place was spotless.

The bad news is, I now have a new phone and no true record of what the texts I sent when I was pregnant and nesting, and what all they entailed. The good news is I have pretty fantastic imagination and can speculate as to what they (probably) said. So, may I humbly present this collection of texts every pregnant woman (or, you know, at least me) sends while they’re nesting (when they can set down the washi tape and sponges for a few moments):

Paying Attention To The Details

At least we're not talking about seven or eight circles. That would just be ridiculous. Not that pregnant women aren't allowed to ever do anything ridiculous, but of course we don't like to be told that's what's happening.

No Really, It's In The Details

"We don't? Oh, it's cool, I'll just get on all fours and use the flashlight on my phone. Works almost as well, and makes it easy to lay down for naps (on my side, of course)."

Asking Serious Questions

I'm sure if I really think about it, I can figure out the answer on my own. However, I'm not going to really think about it because I'm busy cleaning the drain traps

Feeling At One With The Queen

How did people clean before The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up arrived? It's absurd to imagine us all left to our own devices in our own closets.

Offering Gentle Suggestions

Of course, this is a joke! We all know that I'm not going to have the energy to lift any sort of cutting device after I'm done cleaning.

Making Quick Requests

That suburban mom mini-van stereotype had to come from somewhere, right? How else are we going to purchase all the cleaning supplies that are needed?

Feeling Priorities Shift

Seriously, nothing else in the world has ever been so important. Nothing. Okay, maybe a few other baby-related things, but that's neither here nor there and nothing worth remembering, now that I'm smack-dab in the middle of another cleaning session.

Asking More Important Questions

Asking for a friend. Just kidding, totally asking for me.

Fighting Denial

Doesn't everyone vacuum the garage? I mean, the dust isn't going to remove itself.

Thinking That Pregnancy Is The Best Thing Ever

OK, maybe the entire forty weeks of pregnancy aren't the best, but this one small side effect is pretty fantastic. I mean, I'll take it.

Knowing That There's A Point To This

The baby just needs to never require us to actually use any of the gear I just sorted. I really don't want to re-arrange the system I just developed.