I didn't intend to be a basic mom, but it was like I popped a baby out and suddenly I was knee-deep in LuLaRoe leggings. Like, for real. I see all this stuff about Target, Netflix, and pizza, and it just speaks to me, deep down in my soul. That's how I knew my transformation was complete. If you have a feeling this might be you, there are some ways to tell if you're a basic mom, too. I mean, at least you know you're not alone, right?
I was never a basic b*tch. Honestly, I think I'm too old to qualify and although I love me some Beyoncé and froyo, I don't like pumpkin spice lattes, The Bachelor, or Taylor Swift. I mean, I didn't even cry at The Notebook, and it wasn't because I was worried about my makeup (I wasn't wearing any because my liquid eyeliner game leaves a lot to be desired). I've always been more of a nerd, but when I became a mother, basic came for me and I answered its siren's call. It starts simply enough (it's just one knitted fox hat from Etsy, I swear), but the next thing you know, you're driving to mommy and me yoga in an SUV.
To be clear, I'm using "basic" in the descriptive rather than the pejorative sense. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a basic mom (hell, I am one). What you see on the surface doesn't mean we're all the same inside. So if the following apply to you, embrace your basic self:
You Are Sustained By Coffee
If you drink your daily cup of joe out of your "Mommin' ain't easy" mug, you are basic. Bonus points if you joke about how many times you have to warm it up in the microwave or that it's just how you make an iced latte. You definitely have a Starbucks rewards membership and your kid probably has a signature drink (tall whole milk kids' temp steamer, right?).
You Rock The Basic Uniform
Top knot, shirt with a sassy saying (mine says, "Trick or Treat Yo'self" — Target FTW, obviously), leggings, and Uggs or Toms (this is actually an effective way to measure the passing of seasons). Athletic wear is also basic, so long as your tank top clearly says that chasing toddlers is your cardio.
Target Is Life
From the dollar section to hot dogs to the upcoming Magnolia collection (your unconditional love for Chip and Jojo is a dead giveaway), Target is a basic mom's Disneyland. "I just need one thing," said every basic mom with a cart full of $80.00 worth of throw pillows, laundry detergent, and erasers shaped like doughnuts.
You Have A Professional Photo Addiction
Me: *holds up 24"x36" canvas print of family photo*
Husband: "That's not going above the fireplace."
Me: "That's exactly where it's going."
Maternity, newborn, cake smash shoots, seasonal mini sessions — this stuff is a basic mom's bread and butter (or, more accurately, bagel and cream cheese). We love to put said prints in a frame with sentimental crap like, you know, "Cherish the simple things."
You Have An Amazon Prime Subscription
Free two-day shipping? Amazon Originals? Diapers delivered to my door? Sign. Me. Up. If taking advantage of this convenience makes me basic, I stand guilty as charged. I just one touch purchased my dog's Mystery Machine Halloween costume, so who's winning here?
You Have A Serious Pinterest Addiction
Pinterest is where I go for dinner recipes, party ideas, styling tips (stay-at-home mom wardrobe capsule, you guys!), and arts and crafts. Sometimes I even make stuff. The book-themed baby shower my friends and I threw and my purple people eater pretzel clusters are the stuff of basic mom dreams.
You Celebrate Taco Tuesday
Because weekly margaritas? Yes, please. It's also a meal that kids get excited about, and happy progeny at the dinner table is the way to a basic mom's heart. Seriously, though, if loving tacos is bad, then I don't want to be good.
You Have A Mommy & Me Outfit
My daughter and I have matching Minnie Mouse LuLaRoe leggings and coordinating Toms, and we rock that sh*t like Macklemore in flannel zebra pajamas. If you're wearing the Mama Bear/Baby Bear combo (or my personal favorite: You're Killin' Me Smalls/Smalls), your basic status is undeniable.
You Love Memes
Memes (about Target, the blessed season that is Fall, and being a tiny person's snack b*tch) just resonate with basic moms. We laugh because we know exactly what it's like to ruin someone's day by suggesting they put on pants, to be personally victimized by a toddler, and to realize this is our circus and these are our monkeys.
Your Typical Friday Night Looks A Little Different
Basic mom Friday Night kit:
- casual wrap dress (OK, it's a robe)
- baby monitor
- glass of wine (a coffee mug will do in a pinch)
- the "good snacks"
You're Always Late
Basic mom is probably late because she couldn't find her kid's other shoe, had to run some dry shampoo through her hair, was in the line at the drive-thru, and/or didn't want to come in the first place.
You're All About The Instagram
If a box of macarons, giant pool float, and your baby dressed like a unicorn don't scream Instagram to you, you're probably not basic. But when you post a selfie with you and your kid in the car sucking down your Jamba Juice smoothies with the hashtag #SundayFunday, it's time to give up denying your true identity: #BasicMom #NoFilter.
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