A popular thing to do among the geek set is to know, deep in your heart, which Harry Potter house you belong to. (Honestly, if people don't know immediately that I'm a Ravenclaw I wonder what I'm doing wrong with my life.) If you're a Game of Thrones fan, there are even more houses you can sort yourself, or your loved ones, into. Stark! Lannister! Baratheon! Tyrell (holla)! But what are the signs your kid is a Targaryen? Truly knowing requires a deep dive into the world of Westeros... and also maybe facing some uncomfortable truths about your beloved little despot. (Game of Thrones spoilers ahead).
For those of you who need a refresher (or haven't seen the show), House Targaryen was the ruling family in Westeros for about 300 years until Robert Baratheon usurped the Mad King, Aerys II, leaving behind only three surviving family members who escaped to safety: Viserys Targaryen (who died Season 1), Daenerys Targaryen (who started kicking ass in Season 1) and Jon Snow (whom we just found out was a Targaryen last season but we totally knew it all along). Originally from Valyria, a once-great but now extinct civilization, the Targaryens are different from the other Great Houses of Westeros, mainly because they keep and ride dragons and use the ruthless beasts to bend everyone to their will. You know, like you do.
So now that we're all caught up, let's take a deep dive into what else sets House Targaryen apart and how you can know your kid (like Jon Snow) might secretly be one:
Show me an ugly Targaryen. You can't do it. They're all ethereally gorgeous. In the books they're said to have "silver-gold" hair and purple eyes (a trademark of people from Valyria). On the show, I mean, everyone is hot and the Targaryen characters — Daenerys and Jon and even the truly terrible Viserys — are no exception.
We all know that ugly babies are a thing. We don't hold it against them but, like, they exist. But sometimes a baby is just strikingly beautiful. Is yours? They may be blood of the dragon.
They Dance The Line Between Greatness & Madness
A few seasons ago, Hand of the Queen and noted silver fox Ser Barristan Selmy told Daenerys: "King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land."
I feel like a lot of parents get that vibe from their children. God knows I do every time my kids are quiet for too long.
They Have A Special Connection With Their Pets
I mean, your kids probably don't have dragons, but if you find they have a special bond with the family cat or their dog, keep an eye on them. Because if they're truly Targaryens they will be using said pets to plan a grand conquest and it's not going to be pretty.
They Really Love Their Siblings
I... ummm... let's just leave it at that and not dig too deep. Suffice it to say that when it comes to brother-sister relationships these books get weird AF. Targaryen siblings are close... really close. Like, I hope no one's kids are quite as close as Targaryen kids.
They Have Great Hair
On top of just being an awesome color (silver-gold to platinum), all the Targaryens seem to just have extremely luxurious hair. I haven't noted any of them with stringy, thinning, or otherwise un-amazing hair. Even Jon, whose Stark blood means he's got black hair, has a fantastic mop of ebony curls sitting on top of that pouty dome of his.
And Daenerys' braids. Giiiiiirl! They're impeccable. I want to know the secrets woven into that mane.
They're Natural Leaders
Taking charge seemed to come very naturally to the whole clan. Even in the show, neither Dany nor Jon initially sought out leadership positions (Jon, in fact, usually had them foisted upon him, from Commander of the Night's Watch to King in the North), they just kind of fall in their laps.
They're Entitled AF
Dany wants the Iron Throne because her father and great grandfather had it. That's it. She's basically never been to Westeros, but that doesn't stop her from thinking she can just waltz in and take it. Ummm... OK?
But that's also very on-brand for kids. Even the sweetest and kindest among them are, before a certain age, entirely self-absorbed and just assume they should get everything their heart desires. However, if your kid has some trouble getting past that normal stage of human development, well, they might be a Targaryen.
They're Pretty Good At Code-Switching
This is something I feel Dany doesn't get enough credit for on the show. Every time she enters a new culture, situation, whatever, she makes a point to pay attention. She adopts their style of dress, learns their customs, and tries to learn their language. Jon does the same when he goes north of the Wall and, as a result, wins the trust of the Wildlings. That's not to say either is perfect at it, but they are more adept than most at knowing their audience.
They Think They're Invincible
Granted, when it comes to the Targaryens there's a decent chance they're not wrong (Dany has shown on two separate occasions that she's apparently fire-proof and Jon is stab-wound proof). If your kid also likes to live on the edge, perhaps that's just their inner dragon asserting itself.
Their Outfits Are On Fleek
I die for every single one of Daenerys Targaryen's outfits.
You Live In Fear Of Their Wrath
The words of House Targaryen are "Fire and Blood," because that's generally how they get what they want and they do not hold back... at all. With their fiery tempers and even fierier dragons, these folks are not opposed to destroying half the world in order to conquer it. Again, this is incredibly on brand for a lot of children I know, including the ones that live with me.
They're Naturally Charismatic
How else do you build an army from basically nothing, as both Jon and Daenerys have done? There's a lot to be said for emotional intelligence and brooding stares in the right hands.
Is your child similarly engaging? Do other kids at the playground stop their games to see what your kid is doing? Do they get away with murder because they're so damn charming? Targaryen.
They Get Really Upset If You Sit In Their Special Chair
Watch out, Cersei.