March brings a lot of wonderful things like the start of Spring and the ability to wear shorts again, but it also brings us the day where everyone is Irish ― St. Patrick's Day. It's the one day of the year where green beer isn't considered some kind of non-compliant with the FDA travesty, but a necessity. And drinking it at 8 a.m.? Totally acceptable. Everyone dons their green, plastic hats, laughs at funny St. Patrick's Day quotes, and wakes up on March 18 with a terrible hangover and blurry, regretful memories.
But everyone celebrates it again and again, year after year. What is it about St. Patrick's Day? Is it because it's a valid excuse to drink all day and deck yourself out in green, or is it because the Irish spirit is so friendly and fun, that everyone wants to pretend to have the same red-haired genes? It's no secret that the beginning of St. Patrick's Day celebrations usually start out with everyone loving each other, but the night usually ends with a few punches or two. Nothing like an Irish temper, right? Whether you're celebrating St. Patrick's Day to pretend you're Irish, or if you really want to drink one in honor of the patron Saint of Ireland, these 15 funny St. Patrick's Day quotes will put you in the mood. Oh, and they'll remind you to pick up some Advil and green food coloring ― both are totally necessary for a perfect St. Patrick's Day.
"St. Patrick's Day is named for Saint Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake." ― Conan O'Brien
"Ooh, it's been St. Patrick's Day for hours and I'm still not drunk yet." ― Homer Simpson
“We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English” ― Winston Churchill
"Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls, and then you leave the house and things get bad." ― Greg Fitzsimmons
"Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one!" ― St. Patrick's Day Toast
"There’s a rabbi with a shillelagh, there’s a McCormack named Sean. There’s an Indian dude playing bagpipes, there’s a Chinese leprechaun. Nobody’s here from Ireland! Nobody’s here from Ireland, that’s for sure." ― Jimmy Fallon
"I come from an Irish Family. St. Patrick's Day was our big holiday. The night before we'd hang up our stockings and in the morning they'd be full of beer." ― Sean Morey
"St. Patrick: one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish." ― Charles M. Madigan
"Don't you want to celebrate Ireland's accomplishments, like Michael Lohan and vomiting into a bagpipe?" ― 30 Rock
"The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the secret service agents will have a drinking buddy." ― Conan O'Brien
"Pro: It's an Irish tradition to kiss the Blarney Stone. Con: It's an American tradition to buy a green plastic hat at CVS." ― Jimmy Fallon
"Who's this Patrick anyway? The patron saint of liquor distributors? Here's the real truth, he didn't get rid of snakes in Ireland. He just got rid of the ones he was seeing." ― Lewis Black
"Let's drink green beer! Let's do green Jello shots! Where's your St. Patrick's Day spirit?"
"We're drinking green tea." ― How I Met Your Mother
"It's St. Patrick's Say. Here in Scranton, St. Patty's day is a big deal. It is the closest the Irish will ever have to Christmas." ― The Office
"Yo, my palms are sweaty, corned beef can’t stand steady, falling on my sweater already, green confetti I’m burping, but on purpose I keep forgettin’ to throw up." ― Jimmy Fallon