I tend to be the person on special occasions who writes just the exact combination of sentiments inside of a card that the recipient inevitably cries. So much so that before most of my family members open a card, they will say, "Should I just save this for later?" in an effort to keep from ugly crying at the dinner table. Of course, not all greeting cards need to have that effect and, in fact, they can be exactly the opposite. If you're looking for a few hilarious things to write in Father's Day cards, then you might want to check these out.
Whether you choose something quotable from a comedian and pair it with your own humor, or opt for a witty few lines from a clever greeting card company, you are bound to find a phrase or two that suits a special guy in your life. After all, you know this much to be true: Your dad, husband, brother, best guy friend — they all love a good laugh.
Choose one of these and, perhaps, you might be the person who has everyone laughing so hard that they do indeed cry over your card. And who wouldn't love to bring a smile to dad's face on his day?
1. "Happy Father's Day! You may not know everything, but you sure had me fooled for quite a while."
If your dad has a good sense of humor, then he's bound to get a good chuckle out of this one.
2. "You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out." — Jerry Seinfeld
No matter if your dad is a Seinfeld fan or not, he can probably recall a time or two that you poked fun at his choice in clothes.
3. “You taught me so many of the important things I know — including a few choice words for certain situations.”
I really can't peg my tendency to drop f-bombs on my dad. But if you can point a finger at your dad, then this might be the perfect message for him,
4. "Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent." — Jim Gaffigan
Because surely a dad in your life has had a moment or two where it was easier to laugh than cry.
5. “Turns out, it *is* possible for a man to look hot carrying a diaper bag. I know because I’m married to you.”
This one is a little bit of humor paired with a dash of sweetness for your baby daddy.
6. "Happy Father's Day, Dad! I wouldn’t trade you for anything. Of course, nobody’s offered me anything." — Melanie White
Ha — this one from Melanie White is pretty good for a dad with a sense of humor.
7. “You’ll always remember your first Father’s Day. (Unless you sleep through it, which might be nice, too.) Hope it’s sweet however you spend it!”
Ah, the early days of parenting. Save this one for a new dad, whether he's your BFF or brother (or both).
8. "When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape." — Dave Attell
This one especially made me laugh because when I was younger, my dad would answer the phone with, "Batman speaking." By now I've learned that he's human and makes mistakes, but, man, I still kind of think he's a superhero, too.
9. "Let’s be honest — you wouldn’t have this special day if it wasn’t for me."
And as your firstborn, dad, I can say you definitely have me to thank.
10. “I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” — Will Arnett
I say you put this one on the inside of dad's card, then pair it with "thanks for always looking out for me, dad." I mean, it's the perfect combo of humor and sentiment.
11. "Happy Father’s Day, Dad. OK. Good talk."
Because most of you have been there with at least one or two of those awkward dad talks, right?
12. "Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch." — Jon Stewart
Of course, you can count on Jon Stewart to deliver one for the dad with a special kind of dry humor.
13. "Thank you for raising our kids to be kind, hard-working, and capable of making their own pancakes by age 8."
I mean, you had them exactly for this reason, right?
14. “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'" — Jim Gaffigan
The comedian and Food: A Love Story author is at it again with this gem. Because what dad hasn't been greeted by a kid alarm clock akin to your little one sitting atop his belly and using their tiny fingers to open his eyelids?
15. "The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get." — Tim Russert
With a dash of humor, journalist Tim Russert said it best what you've probably already learned to be true: Even though it might be tough to admit, your parents knew a thing or two about life. Go ahead and let dad know your thankful — you'll be glad you did.