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6 Things That'll *Never* Be Worse Than A Constipated Toddler

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I swear my son came out of the womb constipated. For years we've tried adding fiber to his diet via special foods and vitamins of the gummy variety. We practiced sitting on the toilet, tried our hand at meditation, and even used enemas. There's nothing medically wrong with him, and while some remedies work he basically walks around uncomfortable all the time. So believe me when I say there are things that'll never be worse than a constipated toddler. Seriously.

Every time I think I have this poop thing handled, I'm forced to realize that I don't. The last time my son "take care of business" was a few days ago. Days, my friends. And when that "business" was over, my toilet was sufficiently clogged. On the bright side, he ate a full meal during dinner. That's a positive, right?

Sadly, this is my new "normal." I round the end of another constipation cycle, my son becomes back up again, and before I know it he's refusing to eat. When a bowel movement finally happens, it's painful and almost always clogs the toilet. If it sounds disgusting, it's because it is. I empathize with my son, though, because I was the same way growing up. So, for better or worse, I know there are things worse than having a constipated toddler, including the following:

Having A Tantrum-Throwing Toddler

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You might think having a toddler who's constantly tossing themselves on the floor in a grocery store is a pain, and I agree: it is. I've been there many times. I've walked away, tried to reason with my toddler-turned-untamable-ball-of-emotions, offered bribes, and shamelessly pleaded for my child to stop.

However, a tantrum is child's play compared to the horror that is watching my son live in constant discomfort, wondering when and where and how we're going to get to a bathroom STAT.

Having A Super Gassy Toddler

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Because my son's always full of actual waste, he's gassy all the time. I do mean all the time. It's rude and gross and smelly, but he honestly can't help it. It's still not worse than the constipation itself though, which, he says, feels like "someone put a basketball in his butt."

Having To Toddler That Magically Talks Politics

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These days, I'd do anything before I talk politics with people who disagree with me. Not only is is mentally draining, but, for the most part, there's no changing anyone's mind about anything. Still, if I had to choose between debating a genius toddler who is both defiant and loves to talk about our current political climate, and letting my kid remain constipated, show me where my microphone is.

Having A Toddler Who Clogs A PublicToilet

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I swear, every toilet my son uses ends up horribly clogged. It's super embarrassing if we're at someone's house or — gasp! — he's at school. It's definitely not worse than how he must feel dragging around a poop-filled body all day long, though. If we had the choice, clog away, son! Clog away!

Having A Toddler Who Calls Me By My Name

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My son is currently in that wonderful "boundary-testing" phase. It's super annoying, super frustrating, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. His current "I do what I want" declaration is to call me by my actual name, instead of calling me mom. It drives me up a damn wall.

But if I had a choice between ending my son's constipation and my son calling me by my name every single day for the rest of my life, well, I guess I'm not "mom" anymore.

Having A Toddler Poop Their Pants

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In a glass-half-full world, having a child who poops their pants means they're actually able to go to the bathroom as needed. So really, it's a blessing you didn't know you had. It's frustrating while potty-training, sure, but the few times my son has come home from school with some "presents" in his underwear are moments that make me happy, not frustrated.

Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.