In my experience, the first trimester is the absolute worst. With both my pregnancies I was nauseated, moody, exhausted, and full to the brim with anxiety. And you know what made it all worse? People. The people you will legit hate in your first trimester were always around, breathing down my neck and telling me what I can and cannot do. So many restrictions, so much nausea, and so much unsolicited advice I could barely function.
The first trimester is already the worst part of pregnancy without all of the extra, unnecessary annoyances. During my first trimester, I started to worry my life would be full of irritation and exhaustion forever, or at least until I gave birth. I couldn't imagine surviving another day feeling the way I felt, and I had at least eight more weeks in front of me. With my second pregnancy, it was even worse. I remember being on vacation with my family and having to go home two days early because I could not live another moment away from my bed and the comfort it provided. The nausea and exhaustion hit me so hard the second time around, I thought I was going to explode.
But the people! OMG, the people were always the most difficult part. Everyone was trying to be helpful, but, to me, everyone was just privileged to not feel the way I was feeling. I was grumpy and I didn't want anything to do with anyone. The first trimester is probably why I don't want any more children, actually. Because not only is it the worst, but it makes me dislike the following the people:
Do you ever just look at your partner doing all of the things you can't do and want to ever-so-slightly kick them in the gut? No? Oh... yeah. Me neither.
But I've heard that some women are into that kind of thing, especially in their first trimester. In the first trimester I was at the mercy of a seemingly never-ending list of things I could and could not eat or drink. So while I'm dying for a spicy tuna sushi roll, my husband was just slurping that stuff up with absolutely no regard for my feelings. I mean, I've never felt so much hate as I did at that moment.
If your BFF isn't a mom yet, she probably won't understand what it's like to be pregnant and miserable. She may say things like, "Why don't you just get some sleep?" and, "Don't worry, everything will be great," but she doesn't get it. And when she says these things you may feel the urge to just dump that 20 plus-year friendship into the sea. Because while she was able to understand most things that happened in your life, she will never understand what it's like to feel ridiculously ill for 12 weeks, until, of course, she experiences it herself.
When you're at one of the most exciting and vulnerable part of your pregnancy, your obstetrician, as kind and as wonderful as they may be, starts poking and prodding you everywhere. I mean, I get it, doc, you want to make sure everything is OK, but maybe be a little bit more gentle. Jeez.
Your Fitness-Obsessed Friend
When I was so nauseated I could hardly make it from the couch to the bathroom, one of my friends told me I'd feel better if I just went to the gym and maybe worked out a little. I legit wanted to strangle her... but I didn't, because I was too nauseated to even blink. But, honestly, who says that to someone who is super sick? Mean people, that's who.
When I told my then-boss I was pregnant, she said, "Oh. I never had kids because not having children let me lead the type of lifestyle I wanted." That was her response. Hey, no one should be forced to have children if they don't want to, and motherhood isn't the end-all-be-all of womanhood, either. But, if someone decides to have children, maybe say "congratulations" instead of speaking as though their life is coming to an end.
And since there were nearly 5,000 reported cases of pregnancy discrimination in the workplace in 2006, it's not too far fetched to assume you'll probably dislike your boss a time or two.
Because your mother will be excited and also really overbearing. She'll tell you all of the things you are and are not allowed to do. She will tell you to relax and in the same breath tell you to get on your feet because movement is good for the fetus. And when you're really sick, you'll just want her — and everyone else — too keep her opinions and advice to herself.
Whoever Is In Charge Of The Pregnancy-Related Recommendations
You know what, Karen? Why don't you try sleeping only on your right side, not eating any cheese or deli, and abstaining from everything you love in life for nine months. Then we can talk. Like, are most of the "recommendations" even valid? There's something fishy about how restricted my diet should be when I'm carrying a child. Give me my tuna, damnit.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.