Vomiting all the time at the mere mention of something as innocuous as say, ketchup, is bound to make a girl cranky. In fact, the things that make you queasy when you're pregnant can also put a strain on your romantic relationship. As someone who suffered from intense morning sickness for almost the entire duration of both pregnancies, I know a thing or two about the fights every pregnant woman has with her partner that she can absolutely blame on morning sickness. They may seem silly in hindsight, but when you're in the thick of it they are very, very real.
My first experience with morning sickness was a shock to both me and my partner. Neither of us knew how the constant need to puke would take over our lives, as we were one of the first of our friends to be expecting. Plus, in the movies morning sickness was this funny little thing that happened in one scene and, as quickly as it arrived, it was gone. My morning sickness, on the other hand, was fierce. I could barely leave the house without an emergency puke bag. I also had to carry a little spit cup and wash cloth because I had a lot of excess saliva at the time (thanks hormones) and if I didn't spit it made me nauseous. My eyes had broken blood vessels, and my face had purple and red spots from the broken capillaries caused by vomiting so hard. In short, you couldn't take me anywhere. I was a mess, and as a result my social life took a real dip for almost my entire pregnancy. Since my partner and I were really social people prior to expecting, it was pretty hard on our relationship. Not to mention I was no peach to be around when we were home alone together.
My partner tried to help me feel more comfortable. He made me all the plain foods I asked for, brought me iced teas, and covered me in a blanket when I needed to be babied. Five months in, though, and it all got a little less cute. Honestly, it is hard on both partners when one person is going through a real crappy time and, sometimes, the best way to get through it is by engaging in some good old-fashioned fighting. Here are a few of the memorable tiffs my partner and I had during my morning sickness period, that I imagine a lot of constantly-vomiting moms might relate to:
The Fight Over How Much TV Is Appropriate To Watch In A Day
Women with morning sickness have few pleasures in life that will take their minds off of the churning, vomity, cauldron of their stomachs. Television is one of them. Binge-watching a dumb series (e.g. Housewives, House Hunters, or any series with the word "house" in the title) or reruns of shows from one's youth are surefire ways to help you forget for a few minutes that you'll be due to dry heave over the toilet bowl within the hour.
I took my binge-watching very seriously when I had my seven month stint with morning sickness. My partner was less than thrilled. "Are we ever going out again, like, as a couple?" he wondered, as he watched me settle in for my sixteenth episode of Friends. "Probably not," I said, turning to him with my one bloodshot eye and chin pocked with broken capillaries from having vomited bile all afternoon.
The Fight Over Whether Or Not Mac And Cheese Is Considered A Food Group
Even the most health-conscious pregnant woman will likely stockpile boxes of the yellow, powdery stuff. Sufferers of morning sickness look at anything green and want to hurl. This makes dinners with your partner a bit tricky, unless your partner has the taste preferences of the 5-and-under set. In that case, you're golden.
Lucky for me, my partner is the cook in our family, so I'm often treated to delicious home-cooked meals that rival New York City's top chef's kitchens (in my opinion). Cue my months of morning sickness, and bye bye dinners of any kind that didn't involve my precious box of mac and cheese. Eventually my partner got fed up and started making at-home dinner plans without me, which in turn got me super angry because I had to (gasp) put up with the dinner smells. I contemplated separating our apartment into two living spaces, and setting myself up with a little hot pot for mac and cheese cooking purposes. Then I got lazy, because the dry heaves took everything out of me.
The Fight About How Long Before You Start Becoming A Mole Person
So what if you've been trudging around the house with the shades drawn, a spit-bucket by your side (for all that excess pregnancy saliva, yum!) and the same pants you've had on all weekend? You're carrying life inside you and you're puking your guts out. What did your partner do all weekend? Oh, brunch? How nice.
The Fight About That Hole You've Burrowed Into The Couch
When your partner accuses you of never leaving the couch (because movement makes you queasy), you can just tell them that you're preparing a sweet little burrow for after the baby comes, because that will be a perfect spot for you and baby to cuddle and nurse all day. This is what we call "nesting." Duh.
The Fight About How Your Partner Purchased The Wrong Flavor Of Iced Tea
For gals with morning sickness, there's something life changing about sweet drinks like coconut water and iced tea. And every woman has her preferred brand that just hits the spot and makes the vomit go back down her throat for just a little while longer. But curse the partner that is sent out to get iced tea and comes back with the wrong brand or flavor that will more than likely just make you gag. What is wrong with people?
The Fight About How The Organic Chips Absolutely Will Not Help
I once asked my husband to get my Cool Ranch Doritos for a rare moment when I didn't feel like throwing up. He came back with Baked Lays in their plain, regular flavor (because he thought that would be "healthier" for me). I looked at the bag and had to run to the toilet to puke. I don't know why my body was so offended by this bag of chips. The pregnant body is mysterious and wondrous at the same time, and when the body wants Cool Ranch Doritos, one must not question it.
The Fight About Someone Eating A Pregnancy Craving
There may be a time early on in your pregnancy when your partner might finish that go-to watermelon unknowingly. They might think that the watermelon was a "shared item" in the refrigerator and think, "How refreshing. I love watermelon!" and eat it without thinking this was essentially your only source of hydration for the last few days. Curse everything to hell.
Note: let your partner know the watermelon is heretofore off limits.
The Fight About Whether There Is A Garlic Smell In The Fridge
You know that there is a garlic smell in the refrigerator. Your partner insists there is no garlic smell. When your parents come over to visit, you ask them if they smell the garlic smell and they don't smell it either. Your best friend has no idea what you're talking about. All of this gives your partner ammunition to say that you are losing it and that you are imagining the garlic smell.
But you know in your heart of hearts it is there. Something is lingering.
Finally, when your partner finds you crying on the floor next to the refrigerator late one night, with the entire contents of the fridge besides you and the whole fridge scrubbed down, and you hand them the three-years-expired garlic jam that they bought at some food fair and used once, they believe you. Your partner takes you in their arms, tells you they're sorry, and tries to kiss you, but you smell the onion they'd eaten earlier that night and have to run and vomit.