I wanted to be a mom for years, and Mother's Day was always a difficult reminder I wasn't a mom yet. However, just because I really wanted to be a mom, and felt I would be a mom one day, didn't mean I ever felt comfortable celebrating the day until I actually became a mom. In fact, I think there are some very valid reasons why I refused to celebrate Mother's Day until my baby arrived.
Infertility is tough on everyone involved, so while I know everyone's circumstances are different, I'm going to also assume there are some universal feelings all people suffering through infertility can relate to. For some moms-in-waiting, celebrating Mother's Day might feel perfectly OK and, hey, that's great. As with anything, I say you do you. However, for me celebrating Mother's Day before I had a baby in my arms to call my own felt premature and a little unfair. Yes, I wanted to be a mom very, very badly. Yes, it hurt to watch my friends and family get to celebrate, and be celebrated, while I wondered if I would ever become a mom. Still, celebrating Mother's Day for myself and at that time, wasn't going to help me feel better.
Instead, on Mother's Day I tried to celebrate my own mom and my mom friends, tried to protect myself from too much social media that would bum me out, and tried to remind myself how good it would feel to celebrate it when I did become a mom. (Spoiler alert: it felt very, very good.) So, until my daughter came into my life, here are just a few reasons why I refused to celebrate Mother's Day:
Because Of Superstition
I wouldn't consider myself to be a superstitious person, but there was something about celebrating motherhood because I was a mom that made me feel like I was putting the cart before the horse. The totally irrational side of me felt like I would be jinxing my chances at becoming a mom if I celebrated too soon.
Because I Technically Wasn't A Mom
I technically wasn't a mom yet, so why would I be celebrating myself as if I was? To me, Mother's Day is for moms, not "women who would give their right arm to become a mom," like me. Just because I wanted to experience motherhood so badly didn't mean I should celebrate it as if I already had.
Because It Felt A Bit Tacky
Again, I don't want to judge anyone for how they cope with wanting to be a mom and not being one yet. That is totally up to you. However,I felt like it would be a bit tacky for me to celebrate Mother's Day when I had nothing to show for it yet. That said, I did totally love when my mom friends and family mentioned that they appreciated how maternal I was to their children. Sort of acknowledging my motherhood-in-training was a boost on an otherwise hard day.
Because It's Unfair To Moms Who Are Already Moms
Me celebrating my wish to be a mom makes you celebrating your actual motherhood seem a little less important, and that's definitely something I never wanted to do.
Because I Wasn't Buying My Future Baby Anything
I wasn't doing anything until that baby came into our family, which I know is a little different than what other women who are waiting to be moms choose to do. I refused to buy a single onesie or blanket until I actually had my baby in my home. Which, in hindsight, might not have been the most practical route since we found out our daughter was arriving six hours before we met her and we were totally unprepared. But still, I couldn't have prepared a nursery not knowing for sure if we wouldn't have to take it all apart one day.
Because I Focused On Celebrating My Own Mom
Because I Couldn't Guarantee I Would Ever Be A Mom
Until it really, truly happened, I couldn't guarantee I was ever going to become a mom. I have friends who have wanted to become parents for decades and have now come to terms with the fact that it won't happen. I knew that could very well be my future, too.
So while I felt I would become a mom one day, it wasn't a sure thing and I just couldn't celebrate until it was a done deal.
Because Saying "You'll Be A Mother One Day" Isn't Helpful
I knew that if someone said, "Happy Mother's Day!" to me, on the grounds that I'd be a mother "one day," it would sound nothing short of condescending. Not celebrating as a mom until I became a mom was an easy way around that problem.