8 Total Mindf*ck Double Standards Society Has About Vaginal Births
bySabrina Joy Stevens
As a little kid, when I first asked where babies came from, I got a straightforward and accurate answer and didn't give it much thought after that (for several years). Then, as I got old enough to be aware of what exactly having a baby could mean for my body at some distant time in the future, I started to pay attention to how people (and movies and TV shows) described childbirth, and what happens to vaginas during and afterward. In hindsight, I kinda wish I hadn't. Society holds way too many offensive and ridiculous double standards about vaginal births, which took me years to unlearn in time to give birth to my own child.
When it comes to erasing double standards about vaginal births — and myths about women's bodies more generally — it's hard to even know where to begin, but we need to start somewhere. As young girls, we're often taught loads of dangerous and disrespectful things about our bodies. People ignore our capacity for pleasure completely, but talk a lot about things like how our first time having vaginal intercourse will definitely hurt a lot (as opposed to teaching young women that they don't have to have sex until they're ready — in every sense of the word — and fully aroused, or teaching their prospective partners to be patient, gentle, and respectful to our bodies). Vaginal birth is often treated the same way; with tons of cultural information about how bad, painful, and scary birth is, and relatively little about how strong, resilient, and capable we are.
That's a huge problem. By assuming that suffering and pain is just an unavoidable part of the deal for people born with a vagina, everyone who comes into contact with us is led to assume that any pain or trauma we experience is "normal", as opposed to something they can and should actively try to help us avoid as much as possible.
The following double standards about vaginal births (and vaginas more generally) flat out should not exist. Sure, some problems can't be avoided, but a lot of them can. Our bodies exist for more than pain. Women don't just exist to sacrifice for our children or to be used for other people's pleasure. We deserve to get the best of ourselves. Let's expect better, and demand better, during birth and every other area of our lives. At the very least, let's give all the side-eye we can muster to anyone who says any of this kind of stuff to women, because it's just not helping anyone or anything.