Congratulations, you made a person! You might have thought the hard work was over but, now that your baby is here, things are going to get real, really quick. If, like me, your fancy yourself a "lazy mom," you'll end up adjusting your expectations of what the "perfect mother" looks like, in favor of more attainable goals (like keeping the baby alive and getting through the day). This, of course, is when lazy mom affirmations every new mom needs to know come into play. They cover the essentials important to all new mothers; nutrition, health and wellness, early education and self-esteem.
Before I became a mom I attended a positive thinking workshop where we had to write down affirmations and read them aloud. My goofy friend and I swapped papers and would write funny, particularly cringe-worthy affirmations and then hand them back to one another, forcing each other to read them to the class and trying (and usually failing, if I'm being honest) not to burst into silly giggles. Were our affirmations particularly serious? Nope. Did they help wash away any stress or worry we may or may not have been feeling? Absolutely.
So if need be, feel free to share the following lazy mom affirmations with a friend (as long as she has also recently birthed a member of the new generation, otherwise they might not apply). Whether you're alone or with a buddy who'll make you laugh, these small declarations can make a large difference. Just make sure there are no distractions (ha, ha, ha) and repeat after me:
"I Will Allow Myself To Do Nothing But Survive"
In the first few weeks (read: months) after giving birth, you are officially allowed to do absolutely nothing. Your body needs time to rest and recover and your mind needs to get comfortable with the undeniable fact that you're now someone's mom.
If you get to the end of the day and the only thing you have achieved is that you are both still breathing, you win. You win all the parenting things.
"I Will Proudly Netflix And Nurse"
You are officially not allowed to feel any guilt about keeping the TV on if it means breastfeeding (or bottle feeding) will be a little bit easier. So put your feet up, feed that baby in whatever way you choose, and binge watch your favorite show. Repeat every 3 hours, or as needed.
If anyone asks you what you have been doing all day, simply answer, "Mothering."
"I Will Nourish My Body With Anything I Damn Well Like"
Many women monitor their diets during pregnancy to ensure their baby has the best possible nutrition, and once they are here in the world they go back to enjoying brie and sushi again.
Right after your baby is born is not the time to worry about losing the baby weight (or any time, really). You're using a ridiculous amount of energy attending to your newborn and your body just did a miraculous thing so worrying about calories? Yeah, that shouldn't be a thing. #TreatYoSelf
"I Don’t Have To Attend Every Baby Group"
If you're like me, and your postpartum calendar is a little disconcerting, feel free to skip out on a few get-togethers.
Initially, I tried to fill every day with educational activities and classes. My newborn and I went to baby yoga, baby music class, baby massage, baby swim class, and baby salsa class. However, over-packing your days can make you more stressed out, more exhausted, and more likely to feel completely drained. The newborn time passes so quickly, it's worth scheduling some time to do nothing at all.
"I Will Consider Showers Optional"
Caring for a newborn is exhausting, time consuming and all encompassing. During those first few months of motherhood, I didn't want to put the baby down. I liked having him snuggled right up on my chest, skin-so-skin and snug as a bug.
This isn't the time to worry about getting your beauty regime back (unless you really want to) so get cozy in your sweats, pull your hair into a ponytail and embrace the inner unwashed you.
"I Deserve, And Will Ask For, Help"
When my son was first born, my in-laws offered to watch him so I could get some sleep. At first I was reluctant to accept, and I wanted them to think I was managing just fine and didn't need any outside assistance.
Don't make the same mistake. People want to help because they care about you and you deserve a rest. So, you know, just say yes.
"I Allow Myself To Zone Out With My Phone"
You'll find that there's more than enough opportunity to feel guilty about staring at your phone while your kid plays (although you really shouldn't bother). However, when your baby is a newborn — and doesn't need much more than milk and snuggles — don't feel bad about catching up with your social networks, texting friends or searching the internet.
Joining online birth groups gives you a network of women in the same stage who will probably also be awake at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night when you need to ask someone about the contents of your baby's diaper.
"I Let Go Of Any And All Expectations Of A Clean Home"
People who have a clean house and a new baby either hire help or are aliens living among us. It's just not natural.
I am almost three years into this mothering journey and my house still looks like a barn full of animals just ran amok.
Resist the urge to clean at all and, instead, delegate the tasks to some one else; your partner, best friend, mom or basically anyone who offers. You know those people who come round to see the baby and say, "Is there anything I can do?" Yeah, use those people. Respond with an unapologetic, "Well actually, can you put a load of laundry on and unload the dishwasher? Thanks!"
"I Will Remember That I'm A Creator Of Humans"
It doesn't take long to figure out that motherhood and self-doubt, unfortunately, go hand-in-hand. Opportunities to question your abilities seem endless, so remember what you've accomplished. I mean, you grew, birthed, and sustained another human being. Basically, you're a boss.
So yeah, right now is the perfect time to be "lazy." So queue up your favorite shows, get a snack, pop your baby in a swing or sling, and allow yourself to be a lazy mom. Clearly, you've earned it.