More often than not, I want to talk about my kid. So much so that I frequently worry that I'm that really annoying mom who talks about her child too much. However, there have been a few days in her 18 months of life, and I'm sure there will be days in the years to come, when I just don't want to talk about my daughter. These are just a few of the reasons why I don't want to talk about my kid today, and maybe, even tomorrow.
My daughter joined our family through adoption on her third day of life. We were and are overjoyed to have her in our life, but adoption is not possible without great loss for my daughter and for her birth parents. There are some days when that reality is particularly poignant and I need to spend more time in my head than speaking out loud about my daughter. While it may seem that I've brushed you off in talking about her — how glorious and hilarious she is, how cute her little pigtails are now, or even the latest word she's come out with — sometimes there's a lot of processing going on in my head.
As parents, we all struggle at certain points with talking about our children. Not every single moment of parenting is perfectly wonderful, and sometimes it's just downright hard to be reminded of the struggles going on at home. Or maybe you don't want to talk about your kid today because you've talked about him or her every other day for the last however many years. Either way and whatever the reason, let's all try to give each other a bit of a break in the personal-questions department today.
Because There's Something Stressful Happening With My Kid
When we were weaning my daughter from her pacifier, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about her (and pacifier weaning was far from the most stressful thing that could have been going on behind the scenes without anyone knowing). Talking about her reminded me of how grumpy she was going to be for at least a little while longer, but in another person's case, talking about their kid could remind them of a much bigger stress they're trying to escape momentarily.
Because I Won't Be Able To Stop
Sometimes I'm that weirdo mom who just doesn't know when to stop talking about her kid. Once I start telling you about how cute she is, it's hard to know when to shut up. It's often easier not to start talking about her at all, lest I quickly end up boring you with tales of her latest escapades.
Because My Kid Is None Of Your Business
Sometimes, my kid is just none of your business. Sorry, but it's the truth. Sometimes I don't want to tell you more than, "She's great, thanks," despite how many more prying questions you ask.
Because I Talk About Her Too Much Already
I already spend most of my days talking about my kid to her grandparents and aunts and uncles, to my friends, and to my husband. She's the bulk of what I think and talk about all day every day. Some days, I'm totally ready for a break from that wonderful but monopolizing subject.
Because I Don't Want To Make You Feel Bad...
Depending on who's doing the asking, maybe I just don't want to make you feel bad with how brilliant my kid is. Maybe she's 72 milestones ahead of your kid and I don't want to worry you or make you feel like parenthood is some kind of competition.
...Or I Don't Want To Make Myself Feel Bad
Or maybe your kid is 72 milestones ahead of my kid and I don't want that reminder, either. Maybe not talking about our kids for a minute can allow us to avoid the comparison trap for today.
Because Talking About My Kid Makes Me Remember The Giant Mess She Just Made
Talking about my kid often reminds me of the giant mess that's sitting under the dining room table that I'm going to have to clean up when I get home. Or the layer of toys that's covering the living room floor. Or the diapers that have been pulled, one by one, out of the cabinet and littered across the floor. Talking about my kid reminds me just how much work is head of me if I want to return my house to a livable state.
Because It Makes Me Miss Her
Now that my daughter is in daycare, talking about her makes me really miss her when she's not with me. On those days, talking about her just breaks my heart and reminds me that she's having whole adventures without me. Just because I know that it's perfectly OK and good for her to be in daycare, doesn't mean I want repeated reminders that that's where she is. Let me live in a little bit of denial, please?
Because I'd Like To Focus On Me
My daughter consumes my thoughts and words at least 98 percent of my days. Can we just let the focus be on me for a minute? Help me make that shift by not making me talk about my kid the other 2 percent.