Congratulations! After nine or ten annoying months of pregnancy, or months to years of waiting for an adoption to go through, or a sudden accident that unexpectedly grants you sole custody of your nieces and nephew (if this is the movie Raising Helen and you're Kate Hudson; it could happen, people, and we need to be prepared), you are a parent now. Being a parent is a whole new ballgame and, like a ball game, it's mostly fun and exciting. But, also like a ball game, it can be painful, difficult, frustrating, and it leaves you almost no time for sex. (OK, it's not the most elegant metaphor, but point out how it's wrong. You can't.)
Figuring out sex after having a baby, let alone having an orgasm after bringing a baby into your life, is a bit of a sticky wicket. There are a host of reasons why this ends up being difficult or low-priority. But I put it to you, my friends, that orgasms are important. Moreover, they are even more important now that we are moms. An orgasm is the gift you give yourself (or the gift you kindly encourage someone else to give you, or better yet, exchange with you). This shouldn't be an aspect of our happiness and well-being that gets swept off to the side and dismissed as unnecessary. Orgasms are incredibly necessary, now more than ever, and here's why:
You Need To De-Stress
There are lots of totally great ways to unwind: yoga, wine, running, curling up with a good book... But my personal favorite is getting off. And this isn't just me being cheeky — science is on my side, people! Orgasms reduce stress. Fact. Deal with it. It's like, "OK, this body can only handle so many sensations at the same time. Stress, you gotta go, because every part of me is seriously enjoying this right now."
Your Body May Have Changed Since Giving Birth, And You Need To Learn The Ropes Again
When I was pregnant with my first baby, everything I read about the postpartum vagina was all more or less, "Don't worry! Your vagina goes back to the way it was." And while that's true, there's an unspoken, unprinted little asterisk after that sentence and then a very long footnote in small print. The truth is, for lots of women, childbirth changes the body. Generally these changes are minor and largely cosmetic, but that doesn't rule out the very real possibility of some major shifts occurring...including down there. Either way, it is not uncommon for you to require a period of time to reacquaint yourself with...yourself. What better way to rediscover that than through striving for orgasms?
Orgasms Are Good For Your Overall Health And Well-Being
In addition to the points we've already highlighted, orgasms are pretty much good for everything, from insomnia to colds. Our health is important, folks. Eat kale. Ride a bike. Have lots of orgasms.
Your Relationship Deserves Orgasms
Having a baby is basically the ultimate relationship test. It will put you under stress: emotional, physical, financial, and any other kind of stress there is. And we've already talked about what helps stress, right?! So I'm not saying that orgasms are going to mystically fix a floundering relationship, but they can be a component. The kind of personal attention and making time for one another that orgasms often require and even if they can't even help fix it, at least you're still getting off, right? Perhaps not everyone wins, but sure as hell ain't nobody losin' either, ifyouknowwhatImean.
Your Pubic Region Deserves Some Happy Times
Whether by vaginal delivery or c-section, our beautiful little babies wreak havoc on our most delicate of bits. My son left a scar that I love now but that initially, with the staples in it, looked like the angry hungry smile from the man-eating plant in Little Shop of Horrors. My daughter, who came out via the originally designated exit from my body, left me with second-degree tears as souvenirs. The best description I've ever heard of the postpartum vagina comes from Daya in Orange is the New Black
I don't have anything flapping. It feels like, you know, when you get punched in the eye and it swells shut? Except I got punched in the chocha.
After all that pain (or maybe even trauma), we deserve some good feelings down there.
You Need More Bang For Your Buck
I'm not saying that you stop having sex once you have kids (more on that in a minute) but you're probably going to be having less, at least for a while. Maybe it's because you don't have as much time anymore. Maybe it's because you're exhausted. Maybe you still have physical birth trauma going on. Maybe you and your partner are going through a rough spot because you're adjusting to your new roles as parents. Maybe the time you've grown accustomed to having sex (say, in the morning) is now occupied with child-rearing duties and that schedule change has throw off your groove. Maybe you don't have as much time to date. Maybe it's because your child was born with the ability to know exactly when you want to bang and she wakes up as soon as you start to get it on. Point is, when you do have sex, you've basically gotta fit in enough orgasmic energy to last you until the next time you manage to have sex.
You Need To Focus On You Sometimes
It's easy to lose yourself in motherhood and to allow the needs of your beloved mini-human to sort of overtake all your personal time, space, and desires. That's why it's important to do something that's entirely for you. So grab your partner (or maybe even better yet for the purposes of "me" time, your vibrator) and hop to it!
I Mean... Have You Had An Orgasm Lately?
Those things are the bee's knees. The first time I had an orgasm (during some...self-exploration, in my youth) I literally thought, "Oh my God, I just invented the best thing ever! I need to do this all the time!" To be honest, not too much has changed. Motherhood may change your life, but orgasms are eternally awesome.
You Need To Fight The Powers That Insist You're No Longer Sexual
There's this bizarre concept out there that once a woman becomes a mother she is no longer a sexual creature. LOLWUT?! Guys. Speaking as a mother, I can assure you that literally nothing about my sex drive or attitudes toward sex have changed since popping out a couple of kids. So, really, having an orgasm when you're a mother is fighting the goddamn power and defying reductive and harmful stereotypes. ORGASMS FOR FEMINISM!