A trip to Walmart is, at least for me, always a wild experience. When you enter those sliding double doors you know there's a particular set of rules that apply. This isn't just shopping; this is Walmart one-stop-shopping that, honestly, can't be compared to any other consumer experience. I mean, where else can you buy off-brand diapers at a fraction of the original price? You're in bargain city, my friend. So, yes, there are a few clear signs you're a Walmart mom, and I say you fly that flag proudly.
Make no mistake, being a Walmart mom is not a bad thing. Having been one myself, there are some observations I've made about myself, and the general population that shops there, that are telling. For example, the mom willing to dodge long lines and race to the bargain section is definitely an overworked mom who doesn't have the time to sift through deals. She wants to see those big yellow signs, know exactly what discount price she's going to take advantage of, and be on her way. But the mom who is aimlessly wandering around the aisles, list-free, checking the sales bins and thumbing through the discount DVDs? She's on a vacation from her children, people. Leave her in peace. If she's really feeling wild, she's going to head on over to the toy section and play with one of those gigantic bouncy balls.
There ain't no shame in my Walmart game, friends, and you shouldn't feel any shame, either. In fact, you're saving money and probably cutting your errand list in half, so own it. Here's some signs you've gone full-Walmart.
You're Still A Kid At Heart
Have you been to the kids' toy section in Walmart? You guys, it's heaven. If you can walk by that big tub with all the bouncy balls in them and *not* at least start playing with one, you aren't a Walmart mom. If, however, you're drawn to those colorful balls of fun like a moth to a flame, well, welcome, my friend. You are one of us.
You Follow A Tight Budget
A Walmart mom spends a significant amount of time meticulously planning meals that allow her to feed her family on a budget. You know how to stretch every penny, cut every coupon, and take advantage of every deal. Her grocery list is perfectly designed to maximize savings, and every Walmart cashier is in awe of her efforts.
You Don't "Dress Up" To Go Grocery Shopping
I never feel like I have to do more than roll out of bed when I shop at Walmart. At Walmart, we don't have to pretend. We can be whoever we're meant to be, even if that version of ourselves wears pajama pants in public.
You Don't Care About Designer Clothes
Walmart's clothing section is legit, people. Who cares about designer jeans or brands that somehow signify a certain status? Not a Walmart mom! I wan't to buy affordable, stylish, long-lasting clothes for my children (and myself!) and Walmart facilitates that need each and every time.
You Consider Grocery Shopping To Be A Sport
Can you go to Walmart and lazily peruse the aisles? Sure. But let's face it: shopping at Walmart isn't a spectator sport, people. You are on a mission when you head into that store, and you'll be damned if anyone gets in your way.
You Hate Back-To-School Shopping
Honestly, is there anything worse than spending a ridiculous amount of money to prepare your child for school, knowing you're just going to spend even more, or you're going to hear that you didn't buy them the "cool" backpack this year, or that they're going to just ruin those items in about a month?
Thankfully, Walmart makes back-to-school shopping super easy. Everything is conveniently located in a few aisles, everything is reasonably priced, and there's such a wide variety of items you're sure to appease even the pickiest of children.
You Actively Avoid People When You Shop
My number one rule when I'm shopping at Walmart? Don't talk to me. I definitely don't go there to chat. In fact, I would like to avoid any human contact of anytime, and simply shop in peace.
You Love People Watching
Let's face it: shopping at Walmart is as entertaining as it is economical. I have never made a trip and felt like I didn't meet and/or at least see someone different than I am. That's awesome, you guys. I am all about inclusivity, especially when it's of the fantastically odd variety.
You Can Walk Around The Entire Store In Less Than 10 Minutes
I have my local Walmart mapped out front to back, side to side. Ask me where something is — anything — and I'll tell you. I do this for two reasons: for the sake of saving time, and to seriously get in and get the hell back to normal life as quickly as possible. If I stay too long I will fall victim to the siren sound of that fantastic toy section, my friends. Who knows how long my trip will last if I end up in that blessed aisle.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.