Before we had our daughter, I imagined that my partner and I would vaguely experience parenting in similar ways. When we began our family by adopting I
definitely believed our experience would be even more similar, because I wouldn't be giving birth or recovering from it (or even breastfeeding). However, as it turns out, there are things about parenting my partner doesn't understand, and while we're raising the same little person we're enjoying different experiences. So, you know, thank goodness for girlfriends. My best mom friend has been a lifesaver for the first year and a half of my daughter's life. Whether we're texting in the afternoon when the day starts to get away from us, or discussing how to get our careers back on track after taking time out to raise our girls; we've laughed and cried about some of the most beautiful and inane and hilarious aspects of motherhood.
Some days we've survived by simply having a glass of wine on her porch while the girls flung toys at each other, and I can't imagine how I would have coped with or
processed my first year of motherhood without her. My husband has been immeasurably supportive as we've learned how to parent together, but there are just some times you need a girlfriend to prop you up and make you feel like you're not the only one insisting your child needs a special balloon for their first birthday. The Sippy Cup Struggle Is Real
How is it possible that
finding a sippy cup that works for your kid is the holy grail of post-newborn life? My husband absolutely doesn't understand why, for months, I would come home with a new sippy cup option every week.
My best friend, though? Yeah, she gets it and she offered her cabinet full of sippy cup duds for me to try when my husband banned any new ones from entering.
Losing Your Career Footing Is Seemingly Inevitable and Hard
On a more serious note, my husband simply can't understand what it feels like to inevitably
lose career footing when becoming a mom. We made the decision that I would stay home with my daughter when we took her home from the hospital, because my career is relatively more flexible.( I work from home as a writer and he's a guidance counsellor who needs a school in order to do his job.)
However, despite making the decision together, he just can't quite understand how difficult it is to re-enter the work force in a meaningful way. My best friend totally gets it and it's so helpful to vent through that struggle with someone who feels it just as much.
The Tunnel Vision Focus On Your Kid
For a pretty significant amount of time, all I could think about
was my daughter's feeding schedule and all I could Google is sleep training methods.
My husband didn't feel the same urgency when it came to figuring her out, and has always been able to compartmentalize his role as a parent more than I have. Luckily, my best friend totally understands that most of the things that used to take up space in my brain just got shoved aside (for better or for worse!) when my daughter was born.
The Never Ending Battle Against Baby Food Goo All. Day. Long. Mushy bananas dried onto any surfaces is still my least favorite mess, but just about any goo is some level of disgusting and exhausting.
My husband doesn't understand what an epic battle I wage against the goo, mostly because he doesn't see it even when it's smeared across the floor from a particularly messy meal. But my best friend and I wail about the goo on a regular basis. When our children are goo-free (and that is a long way off) we are going to celebrate!
The Life Or Death Importance Of A First Birthday Balloon
We didn't make
too much fuss around her birthday, opting for a really small party with a few friends, but I was adamant that we were going to take photos of her smashing into a cupcake and there was going to be a mylar #1 balloon in those photos.
My husband thought I was a lunatic, trying to go get a Mylar balloon in the hundred degree heat of Houston. My best friend, however, sent me to her balloon guy and all was right with the world.
Peeing In Peace Is A Thing Of The Past
Heck, the need to do
anything in peace without having someone banging down the door or emptying the Q-tips from the package or throwing everything she can get her hands on into the tub and exclaiming uh-oh. A situation my husband understands about 1/100th, but my best friend understands fully. How Annoying It Is That Children Are Smart
Most days, I can't get over how much my daughter understands or
how downright clever she is. But my best friend knows that clever kids sometimes just make things a lot more difficult for us. When they figure out how to unbuckle themselves from the booster seat way sooner than you anticipated, or when they figure out how to get into your "childproofed" cabinet and take out every pot and pan.
Rationally, it's amazing to watch your child learn, but gosh does it ever make a mom's day a little more exhausting sometimes.
The Importance Of Coffee And Cookies
My best friend
totally gets that some days (or most, because who are we kidding?) you just need to send out an SOS to meet for coffee and cookies. Or wine and cake. Or a strong margarita.
My partner still understands how nice those things are in a normal way, but my best friend understands that some days need those combos and pronto.
The Pressure We Put On Ourselves To Do The Best For Our Kids
My husband takes a much more chilled out approach to parenting than I do. He firmly believes that whatever we do is pretty much OK, so long as she's
not parked in front of the television all day eating cookies out of the box.
My best friend gets that there's so much more to it for us as moms. There's the constant pressure we put on ourselves to be the best moms and do the right thing and choose the right darn thing every time for our kid.