Courtesy of Ambrosia Brody

Dear Husband: I Love You Even More Than I Did Before Having Kids

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Dear Husband,

When I was pregnant four years ago, we fought a lot, and you once accused me of being hormonal. I was furious at you, but in retrospect, I have to admit that you were probably right. But that was only because we had tried so hard for so long to have a baby. Still, we made it. We overcame our infertility struggles, and you were right there beside me when the doctor said we were prime candidates for a successful IUI. You mixed the medication, administered the nightly shots in my stomach ,and held my hand when we found out it was a viable pregnancy. Yu dealt with my crazy pregnancy cravings, mood swings, and hot flashes, and you were the first one to hold our daughter when she was born. Then when we decided to have another baby, we did it all over again.

At the time, we thought that getting pregnant was the hardest part. Little did we know how much tougher things would get after that. There were so many ups and downs as we tried to navigate not only their emotions, but also ours. And I don’t think we realized just how much having kids would affect our marriage.

Ad failed to load
Courtesy of Ambrosia Brody

That first year as parents was really the hardest on our marriage. You were working long hours, and by the time you got home we were both exhausted. As a first-time mom, I was consumed with raising our daughter, and I felt like whenever I was home, I had to nurse her, set up playdates for her, and make her baby food. All of those responsibilities stressed me out, and I ended up taking out a lot of that stress on you. There was so much miscommunication that sometimes I felt like I was doing parenthood alone — and you, in turn, felt like I didn't appreciate you enough.

You are patient, supportive, creative, and you make our girls laugh like no one else can. They adore you, and that just makes me love you that much more.
Ad failed to load

Maintaining a marriage is really hard work after you have kids. Prior to having kids, we spent plenty of time together, and we rarely felt like we were not on the same page. If we did, all we needed to do was talk about it, and we'd get back on track. But with kids, working on your marriage is damn hard. Juggling the needs and wants of children and your spouse is exhausting. We didn't have time for a fancy night out, or even a foot massage as a gesture of appreciation; the most romantic thing we did for each other during that first year was help out with the dishes, or let the other person sleep when the baby woke up in the middle of the night.

Courtesy of Ambrosia Brody

We definitely fought over silly things during that first year. Remember that argument over which color we should use for our stroller? You wanted a neutral color,I wanted lavender. That was a ridiculous argument. But eventually, we started communicating and giving each other what we needed. We made it through that first year, and when we decided to have a second child, we knew what to expect, so we were better prepared for round two. We were better able to gauge each other’s emotions. For instance, if one of us had not gotten enough sleep the night before, then that was not the day to try and put the toddler bed together, because we knew we’d end up fighting the whole time.

Ad failed to load
As long as we continue to be kind to each other, support each other, and be willing to say "I’m sorry" when we f*ck up, I know we'll be OK.

Now that our daughters are 2 ½ and 4, we are in a much better place than we were after the birth of our first daughter, and I believe our relationship is much stronger now. Of course, there are still time when we feel disconnected from each other as we get caught up in day-to-day activities and responsibilities, but now we make sure to set time aside to do the things we love, both together and by ourselves. We’ve even managed to spend weekends away from the kids. And as much as I loved you before having kids, I love you even more now, because you are such an amazing dad. You are patient, supportive, creative, and you make our girls laugh like no one else can. They adore you, and that just makes me love you that much more.

As long as we continue to be kind to each other, support each other, and be willing to say "I’m sorry" when we f*ck up, I know we'll be OK. Our marriage is not perfect, and it never will be, but I believe that we are much stronger now, and I have faith that we are going to make it. We might hit a few bumps along the road, but I’m positive that we are still the couple we were before we had kids, and that we were totally made for each other.

Ad failed to load

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}