Life
When we met Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia on The Golden Girls, they were all grandmas. Their days of diapering and putting Band-Aids on boo-boos were long over (except for that one episode where they babysit an infant and sing "Mr. Sandman" in three-part harmony to lull him to sleep). But they were, indeed, all mothers, and that fact is explored throughout the series. And I think you can tell which Golden Girl reflects your parenting style if you really look into their characters and what we know about who they were as moms.
One of the several best things about this show is that the women were all archetypes, but they were still unique, fully-formed characters. Dorothy was the overly-practical "straight man," but she was also extremely sensitive and often emotional. Rose was a cheery, starry-eyed dope, but she also battled addiction (oh yeah, that was a plot, you guys, though admittedly not the show's best). Sophia was quick with zippy one-liners, but frequently depicted the challenges of what it was like to grow older and have so many of your friends die. Blanche was vain and a self-proclaimed "slut," but had a number of complicated, not always fun relationships with her family and friends as a result of her self-centeredness.
The show may be off the air since 1992 (minus the million and seven reruns shown daily on assorted cable networks), but can still continue to see ourselves in these incredible characters, including in how we parent our children.
Dorothy
Other moms might initially be intimidated by you: they take your deadpan, sarcastic humor (and, just maybe, extremely deep voice) as unfriendliness. But the truth is you're a deeply loving friend and mother. You're actually quite affectionate and believe there's no problem you can't solve if you face it head-on, even when it's scary.
You're the kind of mom who will get down on the floor with her kid and shine a flashlight to prove their are no monsters under the bed. You're highly intelligent and place a premium on learning and education. Like a substitute English teacher, you have absolutely corrected people's grammar (if only in your head). You're skeptical, unlikely to buy into viral parenting fears (you always knew Momo wasn't actually a thing just like you knew Rose didn't really see a UFO out on the lanai). You're tough but fair, and heaven help your children if they ever tried to deceive you: you're basically a human lie detector.
You may have some trouble practicing what you preach all the time (you might tell other parents "fed is best" but secretly harbor feelings of guilt if you have difficulty breastfeeding), but in the end you'll always be guided by your principles.
Rose
What makes you an incredible mom is that you're basically a big kid yourself. You didn't let adulthood and the world dim your sparkle or sense of wonder, even if sometimes it manifests as naivety. You love playing with your kids and creating a happy home for them. You're naturally sweet, domestic, and folksy. You believe anything can be solved with hard work and a positive attitude. You love teaching your kids through stories (mainly about St. Olaf).
While you may sometimes come across as a bit flighty, you're actually extremely competent and can handle any responsibility you're given, from PTO fundraisers to getting Bob Hope to serve as the emcee of the Ladies Auxiliary Talent Show back in Season 4. You may be a bit of a pushover, because you always want to believe the best of people, but you'll always stand up for your kids and yourself (like, say, if a mean Sunshine Cadet played by Jenny Lewis steals your teddy bear, Fernando).
Blanche
Charming, vivacious, and content to dote upon your children, you are the queen of your mom group, you're always the center of attention, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You know that in order to be a good mom, you have to be good to mom, so you don't shy away from taking time for yourself.
You're confident, tenacious, and fiercely protective of your family. You're extremely proud of your heritage (even if you found out you're one-eighth Yankee when you tried to gain membership into the Daughters of the Old South) and you instill that sense of pride and tradition into your children.
True, you may offer to trade one of your sons for a car ("I have had four sons, I have never had a Mercedes."), and that's because appearances are important to you. So sometimes you may have trouble reconciling who your children are versus how you'd like other people to see them, but at the end of the day you'll always love and respect their choices. (So what if your daughter wants to become a single parent via artificial insemination?!) Perhaps your best quality is that, more than most people, you're always willing to learn from your children.
Sophia
You lived a rich, exciting life before having children, from dating Pablo Picasso to founding frozen pizza empires. Your stories are so outrageous your kids don't know which ones are true and when you're lying. But let's face it: when it comes to your tall tales, you're usually lying. Still, you mix your fabrications with otherwise unvarnished, brutal honesty, so your kids can never be completely sure. It's all part of your charm.
When it comes to your children, you believe in equal parts encouragement, tough love, and practical jokes. You cannot be played, for you are the player. You're highly ambitious and prone to get-rich-quick schemes (you may have dabbled more than once in MLM), and while your schemes may not always pan out, that doesn't stop you from trying again next episode.
This article was originally published on
