Let's Talk About Breastfeeding, Baby
Yeah, we’re not hiding our breast pumps anymore.
Though my hippie mom breastfed when I was born, I think she was an outlier in this country. Bottles have always seemed to be associated with feeding babies in TV shows and advertising, especially a generation ago. So it’s not hard to imagine there are things breastfeeding moms do now that horrify ‘80s parents (except, of course, for my mom). I don't hold it against them, though. I am pretty horrified by some things parents did in the '80s, too. For example, I have no recollection of being in a carseat… because my family never used one. For shame, mom and dad.
When I had my first kid, I was not above being judgmental of moms who weren’t breastfeeding. A co-worker had her baby two months before I did, and when I returned from my maternity leave, lamenting that there was no place to pump, I asked her where she did it. “Oh, breastfeeding is not in the picture,” she informed me. At the time, I was a little shocked. I mean, everything I had been reading indicated “breast was best." But now that I’ve graduated to being a seasoned mom, and have witnessed a lot of mom friends make different choices about breastfeeding, I am fully on board with the idea that “fed is best.”
So if I had some feelings about breastfeeding not even a decade ago, I am guessing that moms of my mother’s generation had some, too. And since the information surrounding new babies (and how parents formulated their choices due to that information) wasn’t based on as many studies as information is now, I think being "horrified"by new parents, and seasoned parents, and all parents that make different choices that bring us to question our own, is part of the overall parenting gig. The longer moms are having babies, the more we learn about what’s best for everyone.
Looking at the parenting through the eyes of '80s parents, here are some things that I think would horrify them about breastfeeding now:
6
We talk about breastfeeding.
Much like hiding the act of breastfeeding, moms in the '80s didn’t seem to talk much about it either. Since this was pre-internet, and there were not as many niche cable networks targeting parents, “women’s magazines" were practically the only source of “real talk” in the media landscape targeted to moms. Not much space was dedicated to breastfeeding between all those Virginia Slims cigarette ads. Compared to the lack of discussion on the topic today, all our casual talk about breastfeeding now might very well horrify moms from a generation ago.
7
We wear our nursing tops when we’re not actually nursing.
Although I never loved any nursing bras I had (because I wasn’t willing to shell out serious money for the nicer ones), I got a lot of wear out of my nursing tops way past the point at which my kids were weaned. They weren’t obvious in their construction that my hungry baby could get easy access to my boobs. And they were flattering. My kids are 10 and 7 and, yes, I still have a certain wrap-front gray jersey top that is in heavy rotation. Admittedly, this may horrify all moms, and not just ones raising kids in the '80s.
8
We involve our partners.
Dads are more hands-on now with childcare than they were when I was a kid. Although my husband couldn’t possibly understand a lot of what I went through as a breastfeeding mom, at least he was totally on board with it. His support was crucial to me wanting to fulfill my goal of exclusively breastfeeding our kids (which, I know, is not the case with many moms because we all have our unique ways to do right by our babies).
With more conversations about breastfeeding and normalizing it as a part of modern life, I’m glad I’m a mom now, and not a generation ago. Without my parenting community and my husband’s and family’s involvement, breastfeeding our children would have been much more challenging. It still takes a village. And boobs.
Society’s views on breastfeeding have changed a lot over the years — who knows just how much more will change in the future.