By the third trimester, it's next to impossible to deny the obvious: you're pregnant and that baby is coming sooner rather than later. If you weren't showing before, you certainly are now. There are some perks, sure, like when people give up their seat for you or help you get your groceries into the car, but those kind souls are, unfortunately, few and far between. Between your pregnancy hormones and the insensitivity of the general public, I expect you'll find that you have a growing list of people you hate in your third trimester.
I just hit 28 weeks, and although I'm only technically a few days into the third trimester, my rage is in full effect. It's not my first time being pregnant, though. I've been down this road before, and perhaps knowing what dirt bags people can be has made me angrier earlier. That, or my raging hormones and constant discomfort have put me in a perpetually bad mood. All I know is, my tolerance for the guy waxing philosophical on the plane ("I've literally considered the perspective of everyone in history") or the bagel shop belcher is at an all-time low.
If you're in the final months of pregnancy, like me, you may also find yourself unable to suffer fools, and these individuals in particular:
Women Who Just Gave Birth
Maybe hate is too strong a word. Resent? Yeah, you're definitely resentful of women who recently had a baby. It's jealousy, pure and simple (although if you could see her perineum you might think twice). A woman with a newborn just reminds you that you don't have yours yet.
My brother's girlfriend and I were due with our daughters on the same day, but she ended up having my niece a week early. I was dealing with it OK, until I saw the picture of her lying on her stomach drinking a beer: two things I most certainly couldn't do.
If you've chosen to abstain from drinking during pregnancy, it can be hard to watch other people partake, especially if said individuals are a touch past tipsy. When you're sober with swollen ankles, you have zero patience for plastered poets and wasted warblers.
I attended a wedding when I was 35 weeks pregnant with my daughter. The groomsmen, my husband included, decided to play "Who Can Keep Their Hand In The Ice Bucket The Longest?" At midnight. Let's just say that once I was through with them, there were no winners.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), car crashes are the leading cause of death and injury for pregnant women. Risks include pre-term labor, hemorrhage, placental abruption, and injury to or death of the fetus.
So, yes, if you put me and my unborn child at risk by tailgating or passing me on the right, I will go all mama bear on your ass.
I am all about patronizing places with "stork parking" — up close spaces for expectant moms. If you can't be bothered to park in between the damn lines, then heaven help you because if I miss the mommy and me tea at preschool, there will be hell to pay.
The Barista With A "Conscience"
"You sure you don't want to make that a decaf?" Um, no. I said double tall latte and that's what I meant. What many people fail to realize is that some caffeine is OK during pregnancy. (The March of Dimes recommends limiting your intake to 200 milligrams per day.) They also don't seem to understand that it's none of their business.
The Judgmental Grocery Store Clerk
Don't give me that look. This bottle of cabernet is for my partner, who, for the record, is not pregnant. OK, so I'm putting the mango kolsch in the fridge so my BFF can bring it to me in the hospital once I push this baby out. But even if I was going to consume today, it wouldn't be anyone's concern but mine.
The Shoe Salesperson
If you're in denial about the change in your foot size, you might be in the third trimester. It's not Nordstrom's fault that your feet are too swollen to fit into those strappy sandals or that you've somehow become a 9, but it's easiest to direct your frustration at the person in front of you.
Self-Appointed Pregnancy Commentators
"Still pregnant, huh?" Yes, thanks a lot, Captain Obvious. In case you were wondering, I don't actually need a play-by-play of my pregnancy because, you know, I'm living it.
Random Belly Touchers
Personally, it doesn't bother me if someone I know gives ye olde belly a little pat, especially because those people are likely to ask permission first. It's complete strangers violating my bodily autonomy that infuriates me.
There's nothing like a lady at the farmer's market cupping your pregnant belly with both hands while she tries to sell you her wares to make you want to spray her with water like a you would a cat scratching the furniture.
There's nothing quite like the third trimester to test your relationship. Maybe you have perfectly good reasons for wanting to eviscerate your partner, like they're uninvolved, clueless, or stinky.
The fact is, even if they're completely loving and supportive, you will take your fury out on them because they're there and you can't exactly tell your boss or your toddler to kick rocks in flip flops.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.