10 Texts Every Laboring Woman Sends On The The Way To The Hospital

As a pregnant woman in her third trimester, I’ve already been to the hospital once since passing that blessed "full-term" mark. My partner's the only one who knows, though, since I kind of knew it wasn't really go-time. I was simply following instructions from my medical team, because of course. Still, that initial "test run" made me think about the day our second baby finally arrives, and how I'll absolutely be letting all my favorites know. In fact, those essential updates will likely mirror the classic texts sent on the way to the hospital to give birth. I mean, what good is technology if we’re not punctuating life-altering moments with watermelon emoji?

Yes, of course there are a few key relatives and family members who will be getting a phone call from us when baby’s about to make an appearance, instead of a quick and probably incoherent message. But my best friends? They’ll get their updates in the same way we share almost all updates: text.

My first labor and delivery required a middle-of-the-night trip to the hospital, so I didn’t really have the luxury of checking in with my BFFs at that hour. Now that my second labor and delivery are just around the corner, though, I can’t help but picture all the scenarios that might be ahead. If I’m heading to the hospital during regular daytime hours, I may or may not have smoke coming out of my thumbs as I send off the following messages:

The One That's Super Casual

In related news, your hospital bag is definitely ready to go and you definitely did not forget your toothbrush or slippers.

The One With The Big Reveal

Not that you usually watch your phone for the ellipses to pop-up and indicate that she's typing because, hello, you're a grown woman with important things to do. In this case, however, you'll make an exception because yo know her reaction is going to be awesome.

The One With Complete Disbelief

Although, this one's actually kind of silly because we all know that you wouldn't even feel that pinch anyway, what with the contractions and hormones you're surely experiencing.

The One With Panic

Or, as I like to think of it, "the mantra that runs through nearly ever woman-in-labor's head." It's OK, we've all been there and you're totally normal to feel a very real feeling of panic. Thanks to the wonders of technology, you're not alone when processing those feelings, either. Your BFF is right there with you, in your pocket.

The One That's A Subtle Request For Help


The One That's A More Clear Request For Help

OK, technically I suppose I need a couple people to handle this particular request, since my partner is getting tasked with the same things. But it's cool, I have two hands and two shoulders.

The One With Very Minute-By-Minute Updates

Like the true friend that she is, she'll probably check Google Maps to see if there's a back way that you can take. She'll definitely send you links to articles about weird places women have given birth to distract you.

The One With A Few Existential Questions

Let's pause for a moment. At this point, she'll probably remind you that there is zero chance that your baby won't like you. She'll say that, yes, this is your life. Finally, she'll probably ask you if you really need to revisit seventh grade health class on your way to the hospital to give birth, at which point you will realize you definitely do not.

Just remember that your baby is going to love you, and everything will be just fine.

The One About The Arrival

Spoiler alert: you might also cry if they don't send you home. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

The One When Words Fail You

While there might be a few emojis you could creatively unleash to demonstrate the, uh, more dramatic parts of the birth experience, you're a good enough friend to not put such visuals in your supportive BFF's head. That's truly thoughtful of you, if I do say so myself, and indicative of just how great of a mom you're going to be.