Life
When you're pregnant and your BFF is not, things can become a little challenging in the friendship department. After the initial fun of the pregnancy announcement is over, your pregnancy can put a strain on your friendship. Let's face it: Unless you're having one of those totally easy-breezy pregnancies, your social life is going to look different, and even your interactions with your closest friends are going to take on a new dynamic. So there are a lot of things every pregnant woman needs her BFF to know in order to help make sure that the friendship survives those 40 (more or less) weeks.
Looking back on when I was pregnant with my first, I really feel for my friends. I was one of the very first people to become pregnant among my girls, so it was definitely strange for everyone when I suddenly dropped out of social events and get-togethers. I used to be the first one to order a martini at the bar, and suddenly I couldn't even make it off the couch after sundown. Most of my texts had to do with the number of times I had vomited that day, and updates about the particular shade of purple my face had taken on after a bout of dry-heaving.
In short, I was really no fun at all and I asked a lot of my friends, particularly my closest friends, when it came to reassuring me about how I looked and telling me that this would eventually pass. If I had had a disclaimer like the list that follows, maybe things would have gone a lot smoother.
We're Going To Be Talking About Me A Lot
Listen, as your pregnant best friend, I'm going to be dominating the conversation a lot. This is going to be more than in the usual way, like when we talked about unrequited crushes or our totally unfair job situations. We're talking nine months, maybe more (depending on how early we found out I was expecting) of talk about me and how I'm feeling, both physically and emotionally, about my life-filled womb.
Just wanted to put that out there, so there aren't any surprises.
I'm Probably Not Going To Be So Much Fun For A While
Not to be a huge downer, but I have to tell you: I'm probably going to be a huge downer. The constant nausea that has the potential to last for not just one, but two trimesters (and sometimes longer, for the poor souls out there), makes it virtually impossible to have fun that lasts beyond the two to three minutes of respite that you get after a good dry heave.
I hope you have a solid arsenal of all those good times we've shared in the past to rely on when I'm being really lame and flaking out for the tenth time on meeting you out for dinner or drinks (and yes, I had every intention of going and just ordering a virgin whatever).
Big Nights Out Are Going To Be Replaced With You Coming To Hang With Me On My Couch
Better yet, let's make this easy. Instead of going out, it would be way cooler if you just came over my house and we ordered in. Yes, I know that's what we've ended up doing the last five times we've had plans, but you have no idea what I'm going through right now. Or, maybe you do, because I haven't stopped blowing up your phone with detailed texts describing it all, but still. I'm completely broken out in cystic acne and my stomach has a pouch-like look to it that doesn't look anything like those cute pregnant girls on Instagram,
I Hope You Like Daytime TV, Too
Oh! And did I mention that we can also replace brunches out with takeout diner food on my couch, too? There is so much great day time TV. Did you know? Seinfeld reruns. Friends. Plus, I have Hulu.
I'm Likely To Need A Lot Of Assurance About My Body Right Now
You thought it was bad when I gained that weight after my honeymoon? Well, you ain't seen nothing yet. I need round-the-clock reassurance right now, because not only am I sporting some extra lumps and bumps, my skin is an oil slick, my eyes are bloodshot from vomiting, and there are weird spots on my face that seem to have shown up overnight (WTF?).
You, dear friend, must summon all of your strength right now to tell me with all sincerity that I am a goddess and that I look exactly like Beyoncé in her pregnancy photos with the twins.
Please Do Us Both A Favor And Come Bearing Snacks
Your pregnant friend is hungry. Even if I say I am not, bring snacks anyway, because by the time you get here I'll probably have changed my mind. Even if you call me, and I am in the middle of vomiting, pay that no mind. As soon as I am finished vomiting, my appetite will be back in full force and I will be tearing the house apart searching for Cool Ranch Doritos. Please bring me Cool Ranch Doritos.
Clothes Shopping Is Going To Be Off The Table For A While (Unless It's For Maternity Clothes)
I don't care if you don't have a cute bikini for your upcoming trip to Cabo, because my body will not be going near any kind of cute bikini for a really, really long time. I refuse to go into a dressing room with you for the next two years because I am selfish and insecure and seeing how adorable and not-with-child your body is will just make me feel sorry for myself and I might have a good public cry right in the middle of Top Shop.
No one wants to see that.
I Am Aware That I Am A Lot To Handle Right Now...
I know. I am demanding, selfish, narcissistic, and a huge handful. I'd be a great contestant for The Bachelor if I weren't pregnant and weren't in a committed relationship.
...But I Promise To Be There For You When You Need Me (Pregnant Or Not)
Know this: when the tables are turned, and you need me, I will be there for you. Maybe you'll never be pregnant, and you won't need me to tell you that you're the most gorgeous preggo who ever roamed the planet. But you will need me at some point for something big in life, and when that happens I can't wait to do whatever it is that is required of me. You are an amazing friend and I can't wait to show you the same kindnesses you have shown to me.
You're Not Easily Grossed Out, Right?
Hey, I sure hope not. It is going to get real in here. You're going to hear all about it, and by "it," I mean the stuff that could make a woman never want to get pregnant because it is just so gross when you break it down that you wonder why anyone who has experienced it once would want to go through it a second time.
Hey, Remember When You Made Me Hang Out With Your Horrible Bridesmaids?
During those moments when you begin to wonder why you're even bothering to stick by my side, I would like to remind you about those awful bridesmaids you made me hang out with for every wedding-related event we had for you. They were the drippiest, most boring, horrible people I've ever met, and they had nothing to talk about and guess who had to entertain them each time? Me. Your BFF. Remember that.
I Promise You Can Be The First Friend To Visit Me At The Hospital (Maybe The Only Friend)
I will be banning everyone (but family) from visiting me at the hospital. But since you are my de-facto family, and I have made it basically impossible for you to escape having to take care of me at this crossroads in my life, I would say you have earned the spot at my hospital bed. If it means anything to you (and it means a lot to me) I would love for you to be The Friend who visits me and our new little family at the hospital and spends some time with the new baby. I think that would be pretty amazing for my baby, and for our friendship.
