If you've made plans with a SAHM, then she's probably arranged childcare, dug several special, non-leggings pieces of clothing out of her closet, and possibly even put on makeup and styled her hair into something other than a ponytail or a top knot. Getting all her going-somewhere-with-a-grown-up ducks in a row, only to find out she no longer has anywhere to go, is the worst.

Yep, it's a double-standard. Yep, it sucks. Yep, that's just the way it is. When you're the primary caregiver for your kid, especially during the daytime, all plans have to be a little soft in case your kid gets hurt, sick, or your backup childcare falls through. Don't worry, as inconvenienced as you feel, she feels eighty times worse. I guarantee it.

Any grown-up who comes to visit us during the day should know that they literally never have to leave, unless they've done something uncharacteristically mean or stupid (like step on our cat or delete Hamilton from my family’s Home Sharing account). If you speak any language in complete sentences, and don't wail every time something unexpected happens, you are highly valued company. Please don't go!

Newsflash: every stay-at-home mom you know works. She just doesn't get paid for her work. Or get sick days. Or vacation time. Or recognition, usually. However, she definitely works.

Now she has to weigh two impossible choices: taking the opportunity to enjoy some adult company, or enjoying the opportunity to not wake up early (or worse, wake her child up early to go somewhere, potentially with someone who isn't mom).

“Oh, don't you look comfy!” is the sartorial equivalent of, “Bless your heart.” It's faux-sweet backhanded praise of her outfit; the Splenda of clothing compliments. Oh, the shade.

Please: do a messy mom a favor and just pretend you can't see the spit-up/puréed fruits and veggies/pancake syrup left behind by small children who love on her constantly, in all their messy-faced and sticky-fingered glory. (Unless, of course, you're her very best friend, in which case you damn well better tell her about that mess the moment you see her so she can change before she sees anyone else.)

I love spending my day with my son. I also love the part of the day when my partner comes home so that I can take a breather from 100 percent vigilance/playtime/reading responsibilities.

That time (which I call “Daddy o’ Clock” and y’all can change your titles as needed based on your partner’s gender) is precious, which is why I instantly see flames when I get the worst non-emergency text a stay-at-home mom can get: “Home late tonight, stuff came up at work.” Stuff. Stuff can go %#@! itself.

To me, the only thing worse than delaying “Daddy o’ Clock” by a few hours, is delaying it by a few days. Work people, send a partner droid or something to help out around here if you're going to keep the real thing. Mama needs a shower, and at least one chance to go to the bathroom alone before bedtime.

If this event is happening during the day when she's normally with her kids, and she doesn't have family or other trustworthy childcare available, what is she supposed to do with her small human(s)?

When you don't necessarily have to leave your house every day, it's easy to lose track of time (and days, and dates). So recurring events like a playgroup or a coffee meetup can be important markers for weekly routines. Changing that up on a mom can make her whole week feel wrong. If you're going to do this to her, change the event to occur later in the week than normal. That way she can at least be pleasantly surprised by the weekend (or whenever she gets a bit of a break from All-Kids-All-The-Time duty) happening “sooner” than normal.