The internet, women's magazines, contemporary fiction, and romantic comedies are full of advice for single women. Find yourself Under The Tuscan Sun or in the Wild of the Pacific Coast Trail. Eat, Pray, Love and definitely learn who you are (and to love who you are) before you love someone else. Some awesome advice is hidden in these stories of self-discovery, and not just for single ladies. In fact, there are a ton of "single woman" things I still do for myself, even though I'm married. Spoiler alert: I don't plan on ever stopping, either.
Maybe it's because this is my second marriage, and I am a helluva lot more sure of myself and in love with myself now than I was when I was single. Then again, maybe it's because I had a second chance to find myself when I was older and wiser than the first time around. Regardless of the reasons why, there are so many things I enjoyed about being single that I am not interested in changing now that I am married.
To be honest, I am glad that my husband and I don't have to be attached at the hip all of the time. I love space, quiet, and time to myself, and we have different interests and shows we like to binge watch on Netflix. Besides, if we take away the things we like to do as individuals, and only pursue shared activities, it would take away from the things about the other person that we fell in love with in the first place. So, I still do my "single woman" things, and he does his "single guy" things, and then we come home and snuggle, because we are disgustingly cute like that.
Binge Watch TV
My husband has no desire to binge watch Gilmore Girls or Property Brothers, and I am not really into Adventure Time or Adult Swim. Yes, that's OK. It doesn't mean we're not comparable, it just means we still maintain our individual identities, which has no doubt been shaped by the media we consume.
Sometimes all you need is love. And by "love," I mean time alone in the shower or with your favorite toy, because your partner isn't available, your partner isn't horny, or because it's just pretty damn awesome.
Go Out By Myself
I take myself out for lunch, shopping, and to the movies. I don't mind being alone. It's fun to be on your own schedule and to not be beholden to another person's expectations. Plus, going to Target by yourself kind of feels like an exotic vacation.
Buy Myself Jewelry
I am not one to sulk or drop hints. If I want something and there's a gift-giving occasion coming up, I send a link to my husband. Or, I simply buy it my own damn self, because I don't need a reason to treat myself.
I might even drink a whole bottle of my favorite wine by myself, because I'm an adult and I can.
I love reading. As much as I love having deep conversations with my husband or playing with my kids, I also love escaping to another world or learning more about this one. Getting lost in a book is not something I ever plan on giving up.
While I really enjoy running with my husband, sometimes I really enjoy running without my husband, too. For me, training for and competing in races is a solitary activity that I do primarily for myself and on my own. My husband is always waiting for me with a beer at the finish line.
Sometimes, I just want to spend time with my girlfriends, and that's OK. It's not likely that my husband would want to spend his evening the way we do anyway, and I try to remember to bring him home a slice of cheesecake.
I love pedicures, facials, and putting on makeup so, yes, I still do these things as a married woman. While I know that my husband still thinks I look beautiful with bedhead and no makeup, sometimes I do my hair and makeup just for me. It's important to treat yourself, because #selfcare.
I have been involved in progressive and feminist activism since I was in my teens. This has shaped me into the woman, mother, and wife that I am today. However, marching, lobbying, attending rallies, and holding signs is definitely not my husband's idea of a good time. It's good to have his support and encouragement, and to know that he'll bail me out of jail if I need him to, and it's not necessary for him to be there in person to know that he's cheering me on.
I freaking love travelling by myself. While I do miss my kids and my husband desperately when I do, there's something exhilarating about exploring new places on your own and without the stress of having to please someone else or meet their needs.