When you identify as a feminist, there's inevitably a list of things you will refuse to say to others. You won't tell people what to do, especially if your "ideas" for others is based off of gender stereotypes. You won't tell one gender that they matter more than the other. You won't tell certain bodies they're more beautiful than others. The list goes on, but the list also includes things you won't tell yourself, too. If you choose and are able to become a mom, that list grows to include things feminist moms refuse to say to themselves. Honestly, when you're a mother there are so many things you need to hear, but arguably even more things you absolutely do not need and should never hear.
I'm a proud feminist and, as such, was somewhat surprised that there were things I needed to hear when I became a mother. Usually, these things were from other people. I was scared and nervous about being a mom and being endowed with an incredible amount of responsibility, so I wanted to hear that I was doing a good job and could do said job and was the mom my son needed me to be. However, as time went on, I realized that what I really needed to hear (and, subsequently, not hear) were things coming from myself. I needed to believe in myself. I needed to tell myself I was doing a good job. I needed to be kind to myself.
That kindness came in the form of self-care and positive affirmations, but it also came in the form of a list of things I refused to tell myself. There are so many messages (from society, friends, family and other moms) that bombard mothers on the regular, and I refused to add to those messages if they were negative in nature. The best thing you can do for yourself, as a feminist and as a mother, is to be kind to yourself. So, with that in mind, here are a few things a feminist mother refuses to say to herself: