Pregnancy can do a number on a woman's body, and whether or not it eventually looks exactly the same as it did before it grew a human, there's going to be a few months (or years) when our bodies feels mysterious and foreign. Thankfully, we've got our friends to confide in when we experience the postpartum pranks our bodies play on us. The texts every mom sends about her postpartum body highlight the many ups and downs and overall awkwardness that is life after labor and delivery, and they give us all a much needed outlet to vent.
Staying body positive during pregnancy is tough enough, but remaining that way after you have a baby can feel equally arduous. Learning to love our postpartum bodies isn't always (read: at all) easy. It can be a long and frustrating journey towards feeling comfortable in our new form and coming to terms with the fact that our bodies might never look exactly the way they did before we gave birth. Honestly, it's frustrating; we can be in awe of our bodies and appreciate the miraculous thing they just accomplished, while simultaneously being unhappy with them because of how they look or how we feel inside them. Just like motherhood in general, the postpartum phase doesn't, you know, always make sense.
Sadly, there are so many things no one tells us about our postpartum bodies, which can make learning to love them even more difficult. When all else fails, though, having a sense of humor when it comes to the physiologic frenzy happening postpartum can carry you a long way down the road towards self love and acceptance. We've got to try not to take our physical anomalies so seriously, but when in doubt, sharing the struggle with a friend can offer instantaneous relief. I'm sure there's more than just a few us of that have sent our friends the following texts.
When You're Pretty Sure You Wet The Bed
Whether you breastfeed or not, your breasts are going to (for most people) fill up with breast milk after giving birth. When they do, that milk has to go somewhere, and if it hasn't been consumed by a baby or relieved by a pump, it's going to find a way out on its own. How many moms out there have woken up in a puddle of their own breast milk and wondered whether they had wet the bed? Surely I'm not alone, right?
When Birthing A Baby Is A Major Pain In The Vagina
If you delivered your baby vaginally, try to keep in mind that your lady bits just went to battle for you, and it's going to hurt, like, a lot. It might only last for a few weeks, but it also might last a lot longer. There's a reason hospitals send new moms home with numbing spray and ice packs so use them.
When Postpartum Life Feels Like Menopause
Our hormones go rogue after we give birth. That can, sometimes, make us feel like we're experiencing the early onset of menopause. In other words, if you're sweating profusely in the dead of winter, don't worry because it's actually quite normal.
When Your Post-Baby Belly Doesn't Look All That Post-Baby
Some women's stomach's will return back to their original state, but for a lot of us (myself included), there will always be a little "pooch" on our lower abdomen. It's completely normal, but it might take some time to get used to and comfortable with. I've got a pooch and I'm proud of it!
When Your Boobs Are Bipolar
At first, having a supple set of boobs might feel fun and sexy, but it won't take long for them to turn on you, multiple times. They will expand and then retract and then expand again, and then retract again. This will inevitably take a toll on them, and your attitude towards them.
When You Forgot To Cross Your Legs Before You Sneezed
#ProTip for all you new moms reading this: your bladder muscles will weaken after being pregnant. It happens to all of us, and it will inevitably (yet, minimally) affect your life. Just remember to cross your legs before your sneeze. It will save you the trouble of having to explain to people why you just wet your pants.
When You're Totally Feeling Your New Back Side
Not every change that happens to our bodies postpartum is unwelcome. In fact, many of them are freakin' awesome. Personally, I've never had much of a back side to fill my jeans with, but now that I've had two babies (and even though I'm still at a healthy weight), I don't have any trouble filling my jeans. I'm definitely not mad about it.
When You Wet Your Shirt In Public
Ah, there's nothing like springing a leak in your bra when you're in public. Second #ProTip: wear nursing pads and avoid gray until you're no longer breastfeeding.
When You're Willing To Do Voodoo Magic On Yourself To Feel Normal
The benefits of coconut oil are nothing short of magical, but they will not rid you of your stretch marks. Stretch marks are, unfortunately, hereditary, and there's really not much you can do to avoid them, though coconut oil can help decrease their severity. Most women get stretch marks at some point (I've got them basically everywhere), but they do fade over time. I've got a lot of them, but, at this point, they're barely noticeable. Frankly, I don't give a damn about people seeing them. I earned those bad boys.
When You Curse Mother Nature
Yes, she is. She really, really is.
When You're Feeling Like Your Routine Is A Little Too Similar To Your Baby's
You're going to leak and bleed those first few weeks postpartum, no matter how you delivered your baby. This is normal, but it's also frustrating. Chrissy Teigen famously sent out a hilarious tweet about leaving the hospital after delivering her baby in diapers, too, and women everywhere applauded her honesty. It's not something that any of us like to brag about, but wearing adult diapers is a necessary evil after you have a baby.
When You're Not Mentally Prepared To Deal With The Public
This exact thing happened to me the day after I left the hospital from giving birth to my son. I still looked about six months pregnant, which is normal, but I took great offense to the woman standing next to me in the pharmacy, eager to know when I was due. I had just had a baby literally less than 24 hours prior. Ugh.