Seriously, between work, chasing four kids around, other holiday-related activities, and ever-elusive sleep, I seriously don't have time. This is not a high priority for our family and definitely not more important than sleep.

Did I mention I have four kids? Well, I do. The youngest is a rambunctious 4-year-old, and only a couple have any impulse control at all. The last thing we need is to bring another potential weapon, fire hazard, or something that could crush one or all of them into the house. Especially, one with shiny lights and pretty, breakable ornaments.

It's not that I hate the holidays. It's that I think that a lot of the traditions that we are supposed to like around the holidays are no fun at all. I believe in celebrating the holiday traditions I like and that work for our family. I don't feel a need to do things that I'm supposed to do, because of tradition, when I don't like or enjoy them. You don't own me, Christmas.

We have enough trouble keeping the cats out of trees outside. Why the heck would I bring a tree inside, only to cover it with electric glass, tinsel and/or breakables? I have enough unlucky things happen to me without inviting them in. Murphy's Law.

This time of year is expensive. So expensive. I can't add another cost to our budget. I would much rather fill my home with wine, pie, and a reasonable amount of presents, than a dying or plastic tree.

When you're broke, it's not even a matter of opportunity cost. I can't afford to get the things I want, let alone an expensive thing I don't.

Remember that scene in nearly every Christmas special or film when all of the needles fall off the tree and hilarity ensues or the characters learn the true meaning of Christmas? Why would I want that in my house?

I'll wait here while you google Christmas tree accidents. You'll discover the risk of fires, toppling, and electrocution, not to mention harm from breakable and choking hazardous decorations. They are dangerous AF.

One year we did get a tree. I picked out the ugliest fake, pink, tinsel tree I could find and decorated it with a rainbow of colored balls. It was hideous. It was not hard to find an ugly fake tree, though, because it's a freaking plastic or metal plant.

I am a procrastinator, who always finds myself shopping on Christmas Eve or even try to find the 24-hour pharmacy open on Christmas morning. I don't need a daily reminder that I am not done with my Christmas list.

Our garbage bin will be full of ten tons of wrapping paper, excessive toy packaging, and empty wine bottles. The last thing we need is a giant dead plant to dispose of. Or worse, a giant plastic plant that we have to store someplace.

My mother is allergic to pine trees, or so she says. Maybe, she's just incredibly smart and told us she was allergic because trees are a pain the *ss.

I'm tired, you guys. So tired. I don't have enough energy to put on pants some days, let alone set up, decorate, care for, re-set up, and clean-up after a dead tree in my house, simply because other people expect me to have one. I choose my own traditions, preferably those involving wine, pie, and Star Wars marathons. More trees for everyone else.