Courtesy of Steph Montgomery
13 Things Your Kid Will Blame You For That You *Absolutely* Have No Control Over

by Steph Montgomery

Make no mistake, moms are the reason their children's lives run smoothly. In most families, moms are the default parent, scheduler, project manager, accountant, chef, teacher, nurse, lullaby singer, storybook reader, game player, and circus ringmaster. We spend our days (and nights) trying to make sure everything goes as planned and nothing falls through the cracks. Sometimes we manage to keep all the balls in the air, and sometimes those balls come crashing down. And when you can't make the magic happen, well, that's when your kid will blame you, the parent, for everything.

If you ask my kids, they'll tell you I can do the impossible. To them, I'm Wonder Woman. And, yes, most of the time I'm pretty good at maintaining a facade of omnipotence and Wonder Woman-level superpowers. The problem, though? Because they believe me to be some celestial being, they think I can control everything from the weather and the time the zoo closes, to the amount of homework their teacher doles out and the fact that I cannot, read minds. If anything, anything at all, goes wrong in their lives, I'm to blame.

Honestly, though, I know being a good mom has nothing to do with being able to make things work 100 percent of the time. As much as I wish that I could control the weather, and give my kids sunshine so they can enjoy those trips to the zoo, I can’t. I also don’t run Netflix, or decide which movies play at the local theater. No, I can't decide what goes on their favorite restaurant's menu, nor can I change the fact that their school requires them to wear clothes. There are things that are entirely beyond my control, and that's OK. I can take my kids blaming me for things that aren't my fault. Things that, for example, are sure to include the following:

The Weather

I wish I could control the weather, child. I really do. It would be so nice to never have to change plans or clothes because it's raining, snowing, too hot, or entirely too cold outside. Even though I totally don't have that ability, from my kids perspective, it's always my fault.

Don't blame the messenger, guys.

The Thing They Forgot To Tell You

It's also totally not my fault that my kids didn't tell me it was school dress up day, that they need special supplies for a project, or that I owe money for a field trip. How could I possibly know if they don't provide me with that information?!

They Have Homework

Helping my kids with their homework is one of my least favorite parts of parenthood. Not only do I think that making elementary school-aged kids do homework is completely ridiculous, but I think it's absurd that I'm blame for that homework's existence. No, I can't keep your teacher from assigning homework. And no, I can't make you somehow work faster in class so you don't have more homework to do when school is over.

That doesn't stop my kids from blaming me, though.

They Didn't Get Invited

It's heartbreaking when your kid doesn't get an invitation to a friend's birthday party. But my kids act as if I have control over the matter, and I decidedly do not. I try to explain that me intervening on their behalf will probably make things worse, but man oh man does this one sting. I wish I could fix every problem they'll ever encounter, but that's just not how parenthood works.

The Shows & Movies Available On Netflix

My kids are used to watching whatever they want, whenever they want, on demand and without the dreaded interruption of commercials. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I'm blamed for Netflix removing a beloved movie, or the internet taking a crap and messing with whatever streaming service they're relying on these days.

The Museum/Zoo/Play Center Closing

I also do not control the fact that the place they want to go visit is not open today, or that the place we are visiting is closing in five minutes. Believe it or not, I am not responsible for setting the operations' schedules for museums, zoos, and play centers. That doesn't stop my kids from looking at me with absolute betrayal when it happens, though. Go figure.

Daylight Saving Time

During daylight saving time, my kids constantly complain that they can't sleep because it's too light out. Then, of course, they complain that it's not time to get up because it's still dark when the alarm goes off. None of that is my fault, guys! I can't help it! I think this stupid spring forward/fall back fiasco is stupid, too!

The Restaurant Menu

I have, on occasion, begged restaurant staff to make something for my kids, usually as an act of desperation to prevent a tantrum at the table. I should probably stop doing that, though, because my kids actually believe that I can control what's available at restaurants, and how long it takes food to reach our table. I can't.

When The School Bus Comes

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

It's my job to get my kids out the door in time to line up for the bus. I don't, however, set the schedule for when that bus arrives. I wish my kids realized that. I also don't choose when school starts, and which days they have off, for what it's worth.

They Lost Or Didn't Lose A Tooth

Of all the things my kids blame me for, the timing of when they lose teeth has got to be the weirdest. While I know it can be upsetting and emotional to lose a tooth, I don't actually have any control over when it happens. And if you want to lose one, yes, I can help things along, but only if said tooth is ready to come out.

The Contents Of A Vending Machine

It's not my fault that the vending machine is out of their favorite treat, stole their dollar, or refuses to disperse their purchase. You wouldn't know this from the looks my kids give me when it happens, though.

Flu Season

As much as flu shots hurt, they are necessary. I didn't create the flu, kids! Nor did I invent vaccinations and decide they're best administered via shot.

They Lost Something Important

If I had a dollar for every time my kids lose something, I would be able to retire today. Somehow, even if I remind them or help them look for said item, it's always my fault that they lost their shoe or can't find their homework or have misplaced a favorite toy.