They say "opposites attract," and I honestly thought I knew what that over-used saying really and truly meant. I've dated enough people to find some validity in the sentiment. In fact, I procreated with a gentleman that is more my opposite than anything else. However, I didn't truly realize just how well different people can actually get along, until I met my soulmate of a mom friend and discovered the many reasons why a grown-ass mom and a hot mess mom make an amazing team.
Everything I'm not or consistently fail to be, is everything my grown-ass mom friend just instinctually is. She's constantly planning and sticking to schedules and always has the perfectly packed diaper bag, while I'm running two hours late to a doctor's appointment only to realize I forgot to pack an extra diaper for my kid. She's grown-ass enough to know not to judge, and I'm messy enough to know I have no place to judge. Whenever I need anything, she's my first phone call because I know she has a solution, and I'm her first phone call when she needs an understanding and supportive ear. While we wouldn't look like the ideal friends on paper, we compliment one another in a way that makes us nothing short of an unstoppable #MomGoals force. Honestly, it's a damn relief. The "mommy wars" culture would have far too many mothers believe that they can only get along with other moms who parent exactly like them, but I'm here to tell you that just isn't the case.
So, if you're a new mom looking for a mom friend to tackle parenthood with and alongside, try looking for someone who isn't necessarily like you. If you're a hot mess mom, find a grown-ass mom with a day planner. If you're a grown-ass mom, find a hot mess mom with a messy bun and 2-week-old yoga pants. I promise you, the pair of you are going to slay parenthood like the bosses you are.
A Grown-Ass Mom Reminds A Hot Mess Mom How Important It Is To Plan...
My grown-ass mom friend has a plan for everything, and then a back-up plan on the off-chance her original plan goes straight in the garbage. She has a set schedule and sticks to it and she's never late to damn near anything. I'm always quick to take notes and watch her orchestrate her life (and her kids' lives) so that she can accomplish what she needs to accomplish on a daily basis, without much hassle. It's amazing, and I've learned a sh*t ton from her already.
...And A Hot Mess Mom Reminds A Grown-Ass Mom That Life Doesn't Necessarily Care About Plans
Of course, as the hot mess mom I'm calm, cool and collected when plans and back-up plans prove to be utterly useless. What would stress out my Type A mom friend is just a run-of-the mill afternoon in my life, so it's no big deal. She can teach me to be more organized, and I can teach her how to revel in the mess that is life. Win-win, my friends. Win-win.
A Grown-Ass Mom Teaches A Hot Mess Mom The Value Of Preparation...
As an avid procrastinator, I really don't see the point in preparing for something that, in the end, may or may not happen. Why not just enjoy the moment and deal with the fall out if and when it comes, right?
Preparation is so very important when it comes to parenthood, and my grown-ass mom friend was the first to make that undeniable fact abundantly clear to me. She's ready for anything because she's prepared for everything. I could take a page or two out of her book.
...And A Hot Mess Mom Teaches A Grown-Ass Mom To Fly By The Seat Of Her Pants
Of course, every mother is also acutely aware that you can prepare until you're blue and the face, and still not be 100 percent ready for everything. That's where the hot mess mom comes in, because she doesn't really give a sh*t if she's ready or not; she'll tackle the day in her messy bun and yoga pants like the boss she is. What stresses out an over-prepared mother is an average morning for a hot mess mom, and the "oh well" attitude every hot mess mom just instinctually has and unapologetically owns, can help the grown-ass mom keep it cool when something she hasn't prepared for, inevitably happens.
A Grown-Ass Mom Knows She Has No Right To Judge A Hot Mess Mom...
Grown-ass moms aren't in the judgment business because, well, they're grown-ass women. For as prepared and well-planned my mom friend is, she's well aware that one mishap could end with her dealing with a mess as big as the ones I'm constantly combatting.
...And A Hot Mess Mom Reminds The Grown-Ass Mom Why
Which is why my presence is both humbling and validating. My grown-ass mom friend can look at my wreck of a life and say, "Well, my situation isn't so bad," while remembering that being a hot mess is something every mom can not only relate to, but has no doubt been (and in varying degrees of messiness).
In other words, we keep one another in check and remind one another that we don't need to be put ourselves in someone else's shoes to understand where they're coming from. We own both pairs already.
A Grown-Ass Mom Owns Up To Her Mistakes...
My grown-ass mom friend isn't one to hide the fact that she makes mistakes. Because she's honest about who she is and how she fails, I feel like I can be 100 percent my unapologetic, flawed and authentic self.
...While A Hot Mess Mom Is Proof That Mistakes Are Inevitable
Of course, I'm constantly making mistakes on a daily freakin' basis, so my mom friend never has to feel alone or somehow defective for messing up, too. She doesn't hide who she is, and I remind her that who she is, is normal.
A Grown-Ass Mom Can Offer A Hot Mess Mom Perspective...
When I'm in the thick of a particularly dumpster fire of a day and I can't possibly envision an end in sight, I just have to look at my grown-ass mom friend and realize that, yes, there is hope. I can (as impossible as it may sound) get my sh*t together, I just need to do a little more planning and scheduling and preparing, and everything will be OK.
...And A Hot Mess Mom Can Offer A Grown-Ass Mom Some Much-Needed Solidarity
When my grown-ass mom friend makes a mistake, I'm there. In fact, I'm there with a bottle of wine and a hug and a similar (if not substantially worse) story that will remind her that she's not alone.
A Grown-Ass Mom Will Have Everything A Hot Mess Mom Forgets...
Nothing makes me happier than knowing my grown-ass mom friend is going to be attending the same outing or function or playdate. I don't have to pack a single think, because she'll have two of everything. #FriendshipGoals
...And A Hot Mess Mom Won't Shame A Grown-Ass Mom When She Forgets Something, Too
Of course, when she does forget that one tiny little thing that is usually not necessary but, for whatever reason, is now a necessity, I won't mind. In fact, I'll probably laugh and dig around my gigantic purse and find that stupid little thing at the very bottom. That's what happens when someone's the yin to your messed up yang, my friends.
A Grown-Ass Mom Will Always Offer Solutions...
If I have an issue, my mom friend has a solution. She's my first phone call because she will have read all the books and sat through all the research and asked the pediatrician all the questions while taking way-too-detailed and long-winded notes. There's not a problem in the world she can't fix, and it's as awesome as it is amazing.
...And A Hot-Mess Mom Will Always Listen
When my grown-ass mom friend needs a shoulder to lean on or needs to admit that, right now, she doesn't want to mom anymore, I'll listen. In fact, not only will I listen, I'll lament right along side her because I've probably felt every single feeling she's articulating on a very regular basis. She might have all the answers but I know what it's like to feel like you have all the problems.