It's difficult to adequately describe what happens when you breastfeed your kid, especially that very first time. You're so in awe of what you can do and what your baby just instinctively knows how to do, and you feel this surge of emotion and this natural pull to the tiny human you created. You also feel immense fear; even the thought of something happening to this baby of yours is terrifying, so you're instantly protective in a way you've never been before.

You're not just feeding your baby, you're creating this overwhelming connection that will never, ever, cease to exist.

However, knowing that your baby is getting essential nutrients and important antibodies so that they can fight off disease and infection is, you know, nice.

When I was breastfeeding through mastitis, so many of my non-mom friends (and even my partner) couldn't necessarily understand why I would want to continue through the pain. While every woman is different and, of course, if a breastfeeding woman decides she's done because it's too painful that is entirely her call and she should never be shamed for it, I knew what I could handle and what I couldn't. I wanted to continue, and questioning our sanity when we decide to breastfeed through the pain, isn't helpful.

Honestly, this goes for any kind of struggle a breastfeeding mother might face. If she has undersupply and becomes obsessed with cookies and smoothies and any other way she can up her milk supply, don't tell her it isn't worth it. If she has oversupply and has issues breastfeeding in public or wakes up covered in breast milk every morning, don't tell her it isn't worth it. If she's a sexual assault survivor (like myself) and breastfeeding is a trigger for her (like it was for me), but she decides to breastfeed anyway, don't tell her it isn't worth it.

The only one who decide what is and isn't right when it comes to breastfeeding, is the woman doing the breastfeeding.

I spent so may nights silently resenting my partner and his inability to breastfeed, just because I was so exhausted and tired of getting up every two hours to feed our son. However, it was beyond worth it, and while it can be difficult to understand that something so taxing would be a "no-brainer" decision for some women, it just is.

I won't lie, sometimes I didn't want to breastfeed at all. Sometimes I wanted to "give up" and I wanted feeding my son to be someone else's responsibility. I wanted complete body autonomy. Those moments when I just didn't want to breastfeed anymore, didn't mean I didn't want to actually breastfeed anymore. Just like anything worthwhile, you have your moments of complete doubt and exhaustion.

Even though I had moments when I just hated breastfeed, and I didn't want to do it anymore, when I was done breastfeeding I was heartbroken. The "thing" my son and I had together (the thing we shared that no one else could share with him) was over, and that was difficult to really accept. You can not entirely enjoy a thing, and still be sad when that thing is over.

Nope. Just, nope. I know that when someone tells a breastfeeding mother that she could just go buy and use formula, it's said with the best of intentions, but it just isn't helpful. Look, we all know that formula exists. We see the commercials. We've been down that aisle of the grocery store. We know. Telling us that formula is an option is really telling us to quit breastfeeding, and we don't need to hear that we have an "easy out" when things are rough. We just need understanding and encouragement and support.

Sadly, since the #NormalizeBreastfeeding movement really gained momentum, some people see women breastfeeding in public as attention-seeking; only breastfeeding to "prove a point" and gain recognition. Nope. We don't like being stared at, people. We don't like having to explain that breastfeeding is normal and not a sexualized act. We don't like having to post breastfeeding selfies and pictures of our babies breastfeeding in public, so that people see breastfeeding as normal and not something that should be hidden. We really, really wish this wasn't a "big deal." Trust me.

However, for the women who decide and are comfortable with breastfeeding in public, we aren't going to hide the fact that our kid is eating a meal just because someone has a problem with it. We're not going to alter feeding schedules to accommodate narrow-mindedness.

I was pretty laid back when it came to breastfeeding, so I didn't feel any anxiety or nervousness at the very beginning. I can't say the same for many of my other mom-friends though, and I can tell you that while they did feel nervous and anxious about breastfeeding, they also wanted to breastfeed just as bad (if not more so) than I did.

It's perfectly "normal" to need help breastfeeding, especially in the beginning. I can tell you that while my son latched right away, it wouldn't have happened without the nurse by my side, essentially teaching me how to breastfeed. Seeking help from a nurse or lactation consultant or midwife or doula or a fellow mom (or your own mom) is not some sign that you're a "bad mom" or you're incapable of taking care of your baby.

However, sometimes what a breastfeeding mom needs the most, is space. Let her essentially "figure it out" herself. Let her listen to her body and her baby. Just because some breastfeeding moms are "new at this," doesn't mean they won't know how to get the job done.

I have very mixed emotions when it comes to breastfeeding. Essentially, I loved it and I hated it, simultaneously. Sometimes, breastfeeding was the last thing I wanted to do. Other times, I was more than happy to breastfeed my son and have that bonding time with him. Sometimes, it didn't seem worth it. Other times, it was one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had as a mother. Feeling two (or many, many more) feelings about breastfeeding is a lot like being a mom in general; it doesn't make any sense that so many juxtaposing emotions can co-exist, but they do.

Please, don't stop asking us out or asking us to do things or asking to spend time with us, just because we're breastfeeding. Please don't assume that we're "out of commission" until we're no longer a food source for our baby. Breast pumps exist for a reason. Some women supplement with formula, for a reason. We still have lives of our own, I promise.

Oh, how I wish breastfeeding just wasn't a big deal. I really wish it didn't evolve into the political statement so many people see it as, now. I wish that women didn't have to fight for their right to breastfeed in public. I wish it wasn't a topic of debate. It's just a kid eating a meal, you guys. It's no big deal.