Few of us are our best selves when we're pregnant. We're tired; we're hormonal; we're uncomfortable; we're constantly either starving, on the verge of throwing up, or (for the least fortunate among us) both. So it stands to reason that pregnancy is a time when fights with your partner can not only be common, but absolutely absurd. I asked other moms to share the most ridiculous argument they had with their partner while pregnant because, while that stuff can be as serious as it is dangerous in the moment, in retrospect it's usually pretty hilarious.
Look, I'm not saying pregnancy gives the pregnant person in question carte blanche to be a nightmare for nine months. (Nor, partners of pregnant people, does it give you a pass to dismiss all their opinions and feelings for the next almost year as nothing more than "the hormones talking.") But on top of all the physical stuff going on, there's the stress (good and bad) of knowing that your life is going to change in a huge way, and very soon. That can cause tensions and emotions to run high which, in turn, can manifest in funny ways.
I actually didn't have any arguments with my husband when I was pregnant. But there was this one time when I got really, really upset with him because he didn't seem to be as moved as I was by the sight of a dead baby deer at the side of the road. In fact, he didn't seem to be moved by it at all. As I sobbed in the passenger's seat, I just wanted to scream, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you crying?! Do you feel feelings, you monster?!"
Frankly, I don't even know if he saw the deer. I didn't ask him, but ignorance to the poor deer was no excuse not to be devastated according to my hormone-filled, pregnant mind. So what else do pregnant couples argue about? Spoilers: if this list is to believed, it's at least 65 percent food-related.
"We once fought because he wouldn't debate with me. He wouldn't debate with me because he agreed with me regarding the topic in question. This was unacceptable at the time, I guess. I showered angrily for about half an hour to get out of my bad mood. (Then I apologized.)"
"My husband had banana pancakes without me. We argued about whether or not that was OK to do to a pregnant lady (I was in tears and bawling when I found out). He ended up admitting he shouldn't have eaten them without me promised to never do it again. He's kept his word."
Because he wouldn't leave the house at 11 p.m. to get me ice cream.
"Cooking. He would cook and I would want to demolish the entire kitchen to get rid of the smell. He argued that he needed to eat, but I still would have rather he just didn't cook ever."
"Well, just yesterday we fought over whether or not there were more Subaru Outbacks in our neighborhood, or Range Rovers."
We had a fight because Chick-fil-A changed their menu.
"I got mad at him because I wanted Taco Bell, and I refused to have Taco Bell from [New York] City, so he'd have to leave the city to get it. Because I'm an asshole."
"He was doing man-spread onto my half of the bed, so I kicked his leg. He claimed my body pillow and I were taking over half of the bed. I went off on how ridiculous it is that men think their balls need so much space because they are so giant and manly and it would not be happening in our bed. I then kicked him again and flipped over and went to sleep without talking to him. The next day I measured and marked the halfway point in the headboard in preparation of the next showdown. Don't mess with my personal space when I'm sleeping."
We once got in a fight because I thought I looked like a whale and he said I looked great. Totally rational on my end.
"We fought because there was no peanut butter in the house. I insisted he finished it even though I knew I'd polished it off on my own because I wanted him to go out and get more."
"I was pregnant with our first and craving a Big Mac like something fierce. I anxiously awaited my husband to get home with my requested meal. He came in through the door...EMPTY HANDED. He forgot. He forgot? HE FORGOT?! I lost my mind and literally cried like a child. I may have thrown a shoe...it's a blur. It was late at night so I told him not to bother going back out. Needless to say, he never ever forgot to bring home a craving request again. I apologized for my behavior after the baby was born and my hormones settled a bit. But I'm still a little flabbergasted by it, seven years later."
Any time he cooked any kind of meat. I wanted to vomit. Then of course, I turned into a raging psycho when the smell did make me vomit.
"I was upset that our cat was going to feel unloved after the baby arrived. His soothingly telling me, "It will be fine," only served to enrage me and make me cry more."
"We fought over him cooking meat the second I left the house. I could still smell that awful smell eight hours later!"
Whether or not it was safe to eat King Crab legs while pregnant. I knew it was but he was getting all nervous and completely ruining my meal, even after I Googled it and proved it was fine.
"[My husband] and I went out to dinner one night when I was like six months pregnant and I purposely left leftovers so I could eat them the next day. Well, sure enough the asshole ate them while I was at work. I came home and threw a fit and cried. Needless to say he never ate my food again. It was penne with vodka sauce."
[Writer's note: as I told Victoria, she shouldn't feel too bad about this. I once cried when the delivery guy brought me the wrong sandwich. I wasn't even pregnant: I just take sandwiches very seriously.]
"When I was in labor after my water broke, I was laying in the hospital bed and he kept making me laugh. And every time he made me laugh, a huge gush of water would come out. I didn't know if it was my water or I was peeing myself. I got so pissed at him for making me laugh because I had to lay in puddles of liquid. I was mad! So ridiculous!"
[Writer's note: Girl, you be as mad as you have to be when that baby is about to come out of you. Zero judgment.]