I don't know about you, but I swear I see more pregnant people in September than any other month of the year. And you better believe I'm giving them all sympathetic hugs and shoulder pats, because
being pregnant in September is the worst.
It's not just in my head, either.
The most popular birthday is Sept. 9, as reported by TIME, and September is the most common birthday month. In other words, there's a reason I notice an influx of gestating humans. I guess you can blame that on all the holiday parties that led to December and early-January conception dates.
September has a weird vibe. It's just sort of this not-super-well-defined month that segues summer to fall. It doesn't really have any set holiday that defines it. (
Grandparents Day absolutely doesn't count, no matter how much your mother-in-law tries to insist it's a thing. It's not a thing, Carol.) Even the holidays that can sometimes fall in September (like Rosh Hashanah) frequently fall in October. September is just sort of... September?
This middle-of-the-road state and relative anticlimax (not the laid-back vibe of summer, not the
cozy vibe of fall) makes being pregnant at this time kind of, you know, annoying. So I wanted to give anyone who has spent any amount of time gestating in this ninth month some room to vent. Trust me when I say, there are a lot of us who understand your struggle. Summer Is (Basically) Over
OK, so the
idea of summer ending delights the hell out of me, because summer is absolutely the worst season ever and, if the world were fair, would only last maybe a month before we went right to a crisply chilly fall. But I recognize that some of you love summer for reasons unfathomable to me and that its ending might be a source of sadness for some of you. Summer Isn't (Technically) Over
We have until Sept. 23 before this dreadful season is officially over and, as such, it's still generally pretty hot out and your pregnant ass is
over being so damn hot. Statistically You're Over Being Pregnant At This Point
If you're pregnant in September there's a good chance you're going to pop soon and, let me assure you, the last few weeks of pregnancy are always the most intolerable.
Just get out of me, baby. Labor Day Shenanigans Are No Fun
Seriously, who wants to go to a picnic on a hot Monday afternoon if you can't have a nice rum cocktail or frosty beer?
School Is Starting
If you have
older children who go to school, you know that the beginning of the school year is tricky. Everyone (kids, teachers, parents, bus drivers, etc) are all getting used to this new schedule, and it takes patience to wait for everyone to collectively get their sh*t together. And right now, you have room in your life for patience or a pregnancy, but not both.
Also, navigating pick-ups, drop-offs, and
assorted extracurricular activities is difficult when you're hauling around your precious, freeloading fetus as well. September is for apple picking, people! And I don't know about you, but waddling through an orchard trying unsuccessfully to stand on tiptoe to pick the good ones is not my idea of a good time. Cute New Fall Fashions Are Out
It's harder to get away with non-maternity stuff as the weather begins to get cooler. And as far as it's come in recent years, the truth of the matter is that maternity fashions are
never as good as non-maternity fashions. So you're going to have to resign yourself to missing out on the fun fall fashions this year. Getting Dressed Is a Struggle Anyway
Is it going to be hot today or cold today? Or is it going to be cold in the morning and hot in the afternoon. The weather app is always wrong, so it's impossible to know. This is annoying under any circumstance, but is
especially difficult when you're pregnant and your wardrobe is limited and your temperature regulation is weird AF. How Are You Supposed To Pick Apples? September is for apple picking, people! And I don't know about you, but waddling through an orchard trying unsuccessfully to stand on tiptoe to pick the good ones is not my idea of a good time. You certainly can't climb a tree or go up on anyone's shoulders this year. What's the damn point? It's Hurricane Season
Which isn't super relevant to most people, but if you live in certain parts of the country that is an absolutely terrifying thing to think about when it comes to your
"get to the hospital" plan. Oktoberfest Is Out
"But that's an
October thing," you say.
Ironically, Oktoberfest is generally celebrated starting in September. And, yeah, this year you're missing out, my pregnant friend.
New York Fashion Week Depresses You
Look at those models, prancing around with their not-swollen ankles and nipples that haven't turned three shades darker over the last few months. They probably don't even have sciatica.
How Are You Going To Prepare For Halloween?
Not well! Look, I am someone who
absolutely starts prepping for Halloween a month ahead of time and while pregnancy doesn't preclude that, it is an impediment to the full-process. Because either you're going to have a new baby, which means Halloween is probably basically out this year, or you won't know how pregnant you're going to be at that point (in terms of size) and cannot adequately prepare a good costume. New Allergies
September means the coming of fall and fall means the coming of
a whole new set of allergies. "But I don't get fall allergies!" you say. HA, I say. You're pregnant, my friend. You don't know what you get. Gestating changes the rules, dudes. Hikes Aren't Fun Anymore
September hiking is some of the best hiking there is. The weather is lovely, nature is especially beautiful, and, hopefully, it's not too hot that you sweat your you-know-what off. But traipsing around the woods with all those steep inclines and roots just doesn't spark joy for the pregnant people among us.
PSLs Are Not For You You can still have them (they have under the 200 mg of caffeine limit per day as recommended by most doctors) but you can't have all of them. Also, you may still be nauseous and unable to enjoy fully. The Kentucky Bourbon Festival & California Wine Month Are Both Out
You've probably never been to either, but it was always nice to know you could go and enjoy...
... just not this year.
It's Getting Darker Earlier
Yes, it's still light most of the day (at least until Sept. 23, at which point it starts to be darker more often than not), but it's just a sad reminder that winter is coming.
College Football Starts
Suddenly tailgating and sitting in uncomfortable stadium seating just doesn't hold the same appeal.
Any time you're pregnant it can kind of be the worst and, well, it's September now. You Do Not Have Patience For International Talk Like A Pirate Day
Yes, International Talk Like A Pirate Day is a thing, it falls on Sept. 19 and, frankly, you just don't want to deal with your co-worker doing a Jack Sparrow impression all damn day. Pregnancy has really impacted your ability to fake a smile, you know?
Real Life Is Back In Full Swing
Love or hate summer, you have to admit that things are just
different this time of year. In general, life feels a little bit less rigid. People are vacationing, businesses have different hours, and Summer Fridays are a thing. As a pregnant person in particular, this can be kind of nice, if only because you feel like you have this silent permission from, well, everyone to take it easier than "normal."
But September marks the beginning of things going back to "normal," and that can be really pretty annoying, frankly.
Being Pregnant In General Just Kinda Sucks
Any time you're pregnant it can kind of be the worst and, well, it's September now.