There’s something about pregnant women that makes people, especially men, say the most inappropriate things. I, for one, have heard some truly horrible stuff when I was pregnant. Some of the worse comments, however, were actually directed at my husband. And in a way, that made it worse. I mean, pregnancy is more than a little dehumanizing as it is, and without people directly comments about your body at your male partner. You wouldn't believe the creepy things people said to my husband after we announced my pregnancy. I shudder just thinking about it.
I was honestly shocked at the things people thought were OK to say to my husband about my pregnancy. My husband heard more than a few misogynistic jokes about my body, my pregnancy, and even my sex drive. Like, I don't care how pregnant I am or how curious you are, unless you are one of my partners, my sex life is none of your damn business. Also, while my pregnant boobs are pretty glorious, and I know that pregnancy changed the way my body looked, did people really have to let my husband know that they noticed? No. The answer, of course, is no.
It's bad enough that people treat pregnant people like their bodies and pregnancies are up for debate, comment, and discussion. And commenting about my body to my husband is even creepier than telling me directly. Same goes with asking when we conceived or if our pregnancy was planned. So with that in mind, here are some of the things people thought were OK to say to my husband after I announced my pregnancy, that were actually really creepy.
So getting pregnant is not some game of darts, and conceiving a baby is not my husband's solo achievement. He doesn't deserve a high five or a "good job" because his sperm happened to meet up with my egg.
"When Did You Conceive?"
I got pregnant about a month after my husband and I returned from our belated honeymoon in Hawaii. If I had a dollar for every person who asked my husband if I we were having a Hawaiian baby, or worse, commented about our apparent "good time" there, I would probably be able to afford another vacation. When someone asks when a baby was conceived, they are literally talking about your sex life. It's awkward AF.
"You're Hoping For A Boy, Right?"
The idea that your husband will be only be happy or pleased with you if you're pregnant with a boy is sexist and gross. This implies that boys are more desirable than girls, which for our family, at least, is absolutely not the case. And contrary to popular belief, men can connect with their daughters and women can connect with their sons and gender roles? Well, they are for the damn birds.
"I've Heard Pregnancy Makes Women Horny. Is It True?"
When my husband was asked this question, I wanted to crawl into the floor. Ummm, no. Please don't ask me, or worse, my husband about my libido or our sex life during pregnancy. It's none of your freaking business and so not appropriate.
"Was It Planned?"
Pregnancy, childbirth, and having a baby are huge life choices and responsibilities, so they shouldn't be punchline of someone else's ill-timed joke. I am not sure why people want to know if we were trying to get pregnant or had an "accident." And regardless of whether our pregnancy was unplanned or the result of years of planning and fertility treatments, it's no one's business.
Besides, how is an "unplanned pregnancy" funny? Can someone please explain it to me? I'll wait.
"Oh, That's Why She's Getting Fat"
No, I was not getting fat, I was growing a human being in my body and gaining weight is a normal part of that process. Your opinion about how my body looks is always unwanted, even when I am pregnant. Please shut the hell up.
"Get Ready To Never Have Sex Again."
Pregnancy, childbirth, and having babies can definitely change your sex life, for sure. But that is absolutely not something I want my husband to talk, let alone joke about, with anyone other than me.
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