Changing a diaper can get pretty disgusting pretty quickly. Of course, I probably don't need to tell you that. The pure thought of cleaning up someone else's feces and wiping someone else's butt has the potential to evoke some disgusting images, right? As a mother, I can tell you the reality, my friends, is even worse. There are so many gross things that happen when you change a diaper but, as a parent, you tend to get over and learn to live with it and, in other words, consider those gross things to be relatively "normal."
While most (I promise, most) diaper changes are relatively painless, especially after you get the hang of it, there are times when the exact opposite is true. I've experienced some situations in which I inevitably think to myself, "Why did I think I could to this by myself? I should call my partner in as a reinforcement because, if I don't, this is going to get everywhere." Still, being the independent person I am, I usually go ahead and change that disaster of a diaper anyways and yes, you guessed it, the mess gets everywhere. Like I said, I don't expect a mess every single time, but when my daughter is teething or has just had another round of vaccinations, I consider the changing of the diaper to be a two-person job.
In the end, of course, it all becomes relatively and just another weird part of parenting that morphs into a part of your normal, every day life. Plus, the following gross things that will inevitably happen when you change your kid's diaper are all the more reason to look forward to potty training, right?
The Horrible Smells
You know how you smell when you go to the bathroom, but you have no idea what your baby will smell like since each person has their own distinct smell (yes, I know that's gross, but you know it's true). It gets especially gross throughout the progression of what your baby can eat too. I mean, have you ever smelled formula poop? It is not a pleasant smell. I always go in holding my breath until it's over.
The Horrible Sights
There are actually fourteen different types of poop based on what you eat and your health. When you have a baby you can expect that initial poop to look like black tar (which is called meconium). Then, depending on whether or not you're breastfeeding or bottle feeding, the poop will change in color and consistency and smell. Breastfeeding poop will be either mustard yellow, green or brown, while formula poop will be a yellowish-brown or brown. The options are limitless so, thankfully, baby poop guides exist on the internet.
When A Full Diaper Accidentally Spills Mid-Change
No matter how hard you try, spills are inevitable. Diapers don't always "sit up straight" or stay in one position, especially when they're full of a particularly unstable substance. When you're in the middle of a change and don't have the time to completely close a diaper while simultaneously putting on a new, clean diaper, this will happen. I'm sorry, but it will happen.
When You Get Peed On
You may be warned of this if you have a son, but it can also happen if you have a daughter, so don't think your kid's assigned gender will save you from the pee. I have been peed on twice since my daughter was born: once before bath time and once during her newborn pictures. Since I'm not used to being peed on by another human being, I found both instances to be pretty disgusting.
When You Watch Actual Poop Come Out Of Your Kid's Actual Butt
If you start to notice when your child is pooping, you may be proactive and try to change their diaper immediately after you notice they have pooped. Other times, your kid will simply poop mid-diaper change, because when you gotta go, you gotta go. Both have happened to me on a number of occasions, and both usually result in me watching my daughter poop until she's done and then changing her (again).
Blowouts Are Real (And They're The Worst)
When your kid has a blowout, all bets are off. In fact, being grossed out usually gets trumped by being completely dumbfounded. Like, how can such a tiny little body produce so much poop, that it leaks out of a diaper and gets all over a baby's back and clothes and hair and legs?! How? Why?!
When You Get Poop On You
Whether you are cleaning up a mess or just changing a diaper, you will probably, and inevitably, accidentally dip your hand in poop. Especially if it's a messy or leaky diaper. Then, of course, you're left with one of life's greatest questions: what do you clean up first? Yourself? Your baby, so it doesn't go everywhere and make an even bigger mess? The choice is yours, my friend. Just choose wisely.
When Your Kid Sticks Their Hand Directly In The Mess
Kids don't really sit still during a diaper change, especially when they get older. In the end, a rogue hand is bound to find its way into a dirty diaper, which is arguably one of the worst things that can happen. Godspeed, you diaper-changing parent. Godspeed.