Babies are incredible in so many ways, but they also have moments that can make you raise your eyebrows and utter a quiet "What in the?" under your breath. For instance, have you ever stopped to think about all the creepy things breastfed babies do? Because there are quite a few, my friends.
Now, before you grab your pitchforks for me unapologetically calling babies "creepy," let me explain. Babies are adorable, mind-blowing, fascinating creatures, and I love both of mine to the moon and back. However, I get kind of tired of how new moms are expected to behave around their babies, or think about their new babies. Like, you can love your child but still think they're a little weird, especially in a moment when they're doing something super strange (and something you've probably never seen before). If you spend too much time ignoring the weird and bizarre parts of being the mom of another human being, you're setting yourself up for a midlife crisis, in my humbled opinion. (OK, you're probably not. You'll probably be fine, but I'm telling you for the sake of your sanity and regardless.)
So, do yourself a favor and embrace the strange, just like you do the beautiful. Not every moment of motherhood is Instagram-worthy, and that's OK. Your babies, your older children, your friends, your partner; they all do creepy, weird things. I'd argue that those same creepy, weird things make them all the more endearing. Allow yourself a moment to laugh at these nine creepy things all breastfed babies do:
Rolling Their Eyes Back In Their Head When They Get The First Couple Of Gulps Of Milk
We've all seen babies do it. It's like they're getting high off your milk (or drunk), they're so deliriously happy to start drinking. It's adorable and, well, creepy.
Absentmindedly Grabbing Your Breast When They're Not Breastfeeding
There's this proprietary attitude breastfeeding babies have over their mom's boobs that's kind of adorable, but only when you're the mom (and it's not in public). Otherwise, it can tend to be a bit embarrassing.
Giving Your Breasts/Breastfeeding A Nickname
Once my daughter was old enough to say a few words (here and there) she took what I would usually say when attempting to calm her down as I popped out a breast, "OK. OK!" and made it her own. From then on, she called breastfeeding "OK-Kay." Try explaining that to people you've never met.
Grabbing Your "Free" Nipple While They're Breastfeeding
I am so thankful neither of my kids did this, but I know lots of moms whose babies would grab their free nipple and play with it. I love you, kid, but no.
Pulling Down Your Shirt
Truly, there's nothing quite like being exposed by your own kid. The number of times I've realized, belatedly, that my kid is gradually pulling my shirt down so they can gain access is pretty high.
Stopping For A Moment, Like They're Contemplating Life's Deepest Mysteries, Then Continuing To Breastfeed
Have you ever wondered what's going through a baby's mind as they're breastfeeding? They're sucking away, gazing into the distance, when suddenly they stop. No apparent reason. Perhaps they've solved one of the questionable aspects of string theory, but don't yet have the language to convey it? We'll never know, because they go back to sucking a few seconds later.
Gagging And Spitting Milk Out (When You Have Oversupply)
This is kind of more scary than creepy, if we're being completely honest. Watching your baby choke and sputter on your own milk can be terrifying, but when that milk hits their throat at the wrong angle, watching them gag a bit is pretty creepy.
Being Able To Wriggle Up Your Torso On Their Own To Start Breastfeeding, Immediately After Being Born
Again, not exactly creepy. In fact, kind of downright amazing when you think about it. When my daughter was born, I wanted to try this out. After weighing her and taking her measurements, my midwife placed her on my belly. Sure enough, she wriggled right up to my breast and tried to latch. It was unbelievable.
Being Able To Smell Your Milk When You're In The Room
Have you ever walked into a room and noticed your newborn immediately turns their head toward you? Again, this is less creepy than amazing, but your baby can recognize the smell of your breastmilk. How cool is that?