I've always loved to watch my kids sleep. When they are sleeping they are so quiet and peaceful. It's as if they transform into otherworldly faeries or mythical beings. But just like mythical beings, kids are creepy AF, you guys, especially at moments when you least expect it. In my experience, there are a ton of creepy things kids do at night, and they all freak me the hell out.
My first-born did the creepiest things at night. When she was just a 2-year-old toddler, she figured out how to open her bedroom door and, as a result, would sleepwalk around the house. More often than not, she would stop right next to the bed and stare at me. Sometimes I would wake up because I heard her approach the bed, or because she also talked in her sleep, which was also totally creepy. One night, as I was trying to fall asleep, she came into my room babbling about something. When I tried to wake her up, she turned, looked me in the eyes, and said, "Mama, there's a clown in the corner." I told her that there was nothing there and took her back to bed. Then I remembered that the clown in It was only visible to children. I didn't sleep much that night. Shudders.
My middle child is creepy at bedtime, too. He likes me to tuck him in, which is so sweet. But then he insists that I wear a tank top or short-sleeved shirt so he can stroke my bare skin while he falls asleep. This morning he noticed that I was wearing a sweater and he literally asked if I would remember to change by bedtime. Even the baby is not immune to creepiness at night. Either I get freaked out by sounds via the baby monitor, or he sleeps in our room and I wake up to see him staring at me. Kids are so creepy, especially at night, and there's really no way to prepare for the following:
They Stare At You
Between my husband and I we have five kids, ranging in age from baby to tween. We've woken up to find every single one standing next to the bed staring at us. Yes, this has happened more than once. And yes, it is so creepy.
They Touch You
Sometimes my kids need to be touching me to fall asleep. When they stroke my arm or poke me in the ribs with their bony limbs at bedtime, or in the middle of the night when they wake up, is enough to make me shudder. Why, oh why, do they do this?
My daughter used to sleepwalk. Sometimes, she would even open doors or climb stairs in her sleep. It was terrifying.
They Fall Out Of Bed
When I was a single mom it was so hard to sleep sometimes. I totally imagined that every bump in the night was a burglar or monster lurking in the dark, just waiting to take my children away. So, yeah, when my kids fell out of bed, or kicked the wall in the middle of the night, I was sufficiently creeped out.
They Talk In Their Sleep
There's nothing creepier than a kid saying creepy things in their sleep. Sometimes my daughter would appear to be awake, but then I would notice that her eyes were closed, or worse, that they were open while she was sleeping. Ugh.
They Startle You Awake
My husband's least favorite middle-of-the-night child antic is a quiet knock at our bedroom door. So quiet, in fact, that you convince yourself that it was nothing. Then, when it happens again, your sleepy brain is unsure if it's a child or an ax murderer at the door.
They Ask You About Death
Our older kids are, at times, pretty obsessed with death. And apparently this obsession intensifies around bedtime. They wax philosophical about our dead cat's body buried in the back yard and what happens after you die, which is fine, except not right before I'm trying to go to sleep.
They Sleep With Their Eyes Open
So yeah, when kids sleep with their eyes partially or all of the way open it's so creepy. I try not to let it bother me, but then I imagine my child has turned into some sort of zombie and get creeped out.
They Have Night Terrors
There's nothing more disconcerting than hearing my kids cry. When they have night terrors, though, and let out blood-curdling screams in their sleep, I'm more than disconcerted. I'm terrified.
They Crawl Into Bed With You
It's kind of sweet when your kids crawl into bed with you, but also kind of creepy. In fact, it's particularly troubling if I don't notice that my children are there and wake up in the morning to see them laying there next to me, or worse, stroking my arm or hair. OMG my skin is crawling just thinking about it.
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