For me, learning how to talk about sex wasn't easy. In sex ed I learned about things like using condoms and getting tested for STDs, but no one told me how to bring sexual topics up with a partner, like what I wanted, or didn't want, in bed. So when I met my first husband, and even though neither one of us was sexually inexperienced, our sex ranged from bad to just plain boring. There were so many sex questions I wish I'd asked him sooner. If I had, maybe we would have enjoyed better sex.
So, why didn't I feel comfortable asking my own husband for what I wanted in the bedroom? Well, communicating my needs and wants was difficult, and our culture's puritanical view of sex and women's role in the process certainly didn't help. From an early age I was at the mercy of heteronormative, misogynistic messages that argued that women were supposed to wait to have sex, but also supposed to please their man. Men are expected to want sex all of the time. If you are a girl who likes sex, you aren't supposed to talk about it, and if you are a guy who isn't interested in sowing his wild oats with every person he meets there's something wrong with you. I think that trying to meet these harmful and unrealistic expectations got in the way of actually learning how to talk about sex effectively.
Fortunately, and after my divorce, I eventually went on to have other sex partners and learned what I liked and didn't like in the bedroom. I learned to ask my partners questions, and much sooner in our relationship, and as a result the sex I had improved dramatically. I think the key to evolving sexually was opening up a line of clear communication with y partners, and that meant learning to ask questions that were, at least at first, uncomfortable.
Turns out, I'm not the only person who wishes they could go back and time, communicate with their partner, and consequently have better sex, either. Read on for the sex questions couples wish they'd asked each other sooner: