I'm totally a selfish mom, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. I've been told I'm a selfish mom for working outside the home and for staying at home, for spending time on my appearance and for choosing to be comfortable, and for letting my kids do things independently and for making them help with chores. Do you notice a pattern? I do. Moms can't win, in any capacity, which is why I don't give a you-know-what when someone calls me "selfish."
Besides, if wanting things to be easy for myself and my kids means I'm selfish, I'm totally OK with that. I think we need to start recognizing that being a mother doesn't have to mean being a martyr. It's not only OK to practice self care or to put yourself first sometimes, it's necessary. If you don't put on your oxygen mask at the first sign of trouble, you won't be able to assist others with theirs. How can you be a good mom if you are exhausted, unhappy, or unhealthy? To be honest, you simply can't.
So I'm proud to be a "selfish mom," because it means my kids are learning to do things for themselves, prioritize themselves and their own self-worth, and I am able to take the time I need to make sure that I don't lose myself (or my sh*t) to motherhood. Plus, I really don't care what people think of me. Haters are gonna hate and people will judge, regardless of what you do.
When I Switched To Formula
I have undersupply and my youngest has food allergies. If people knew how hard I worked to breastfeed, and then how hard I worked to find something (anything) my baby could eat that wouldn't make him sick, they wouldn't think the decision to formula-feed was selfish at all. Although, I do admit that I am glad to have my body back and get a break every once in a while, but IDGAF if you think that makes me selfish.
When I'm Still In Pajamas At School Pick Up
If this upsets you, I'm sorry, but I just have to go on and assume you're jealous. Life is too short to put on pants for other parents.
When I Let My Kids Resolve Their Own Conflicts
I am definitely not a helicopter mom (or at least I try not to be) and I let my kids figure out conflicts on their own. It's not that I don't care, it's that if I intervened every time they disagreed I wouldn't have time to do anything else. Plus, conflict resolution is an important life skill that I'm teaching them by giving them space to figure things out for themselves, right?
When I Don't Fight At Meal Times
It's just not worth it, dear reader. Not only do I not want to fight with my kids every damn day, I also don't want to give them food issues. It's so much easier to let them make a sandwich than force them to eat whatever I prepared. I also make my kids make their own lunches while I catch up on work or Netflix. #ParentingWin
When I Let My Kids Dress Themselves
I may be lazy about dressing them, but my kids are happy and get to express themselves through their own fashion choices.
When I Let My Kids Have Screen Time
I need time to work, play, and decompress. I know that a little screen time won't hurt my kids, and will let me get sh*t done, so I'm all about it.
When I Make My Kids Clean The House
I shouldn't have to clean up after everyone else just because I'm the mom. So, yes, I absolutely make my kids clean up and contribute. I'm totally selfish like that.
When I Went On Maternity Leave
People will judge you for working out on maternity leave, and they will judge you for taking it easy. They expect you to simultaneously spend every waking moment with baby and lose all of your baby weight. Moms just can't win.
When I Went Back To Work
I'm currently writing this with a newborn on my lap. I needed to go back to work, mostly because I was lonely, depressed, and bored out of my mind. Oh, and apparently selfish. I guess I should be working out or gazing adoringly at my baby instead, but I suck at mommy martyrdom.
When I Do Self Care
I put on makeup and take baths. I take myself out for lunch and buy candy that I don't share with my kids. I take yoga and go for runs that last three hours. I am selfish with my time, because I know that if I don't take care of myself no one else will, and I won't be very good at taking care of my family. Self care may be selfish, but it's so necessary.