While I think most of my child's behavior is devastatingly cute (proudly showing off the contents of the toilet bowl during their potty training), I imagine an adult acting the same way and, well, I'm repulsed. Then there are times when my children act in a way that just weirds me out completely (like wanting to plant their baby brother in the ground to grow more babies). I have to remind myself that there are creepy things kids do that just mean they’re curious. After all, they're constantly testing their limits, figuring out what’s possible or, in my case at least, seeing what it will take to completely humiliate me in front of other people who are without a doubt judging me for my kids’ bizarre behavior.
My fears are assuaged when I talk to other parents, though, and hear their horror stories that detail the awkward moments when their kids have pulled some strange stunt. What I’ve noticed, with my kids anyway, is that this behavior isn’t chronic. It’s like, once they see the result of whatever strangeness they’re stirring up, they file that away and move on to the next thing. Live and learn. Well, live, learn and embarrass mom (and not necessarily in that order).
So, if you’re curiously worried as to what could possibly be motivating your kid's creepy behavior, take solace in the fact that it’s likely because they’re just curious. We’ve all dropped breath mints into soda, just to see if it would cause an explosion. You never really grow out of that curiosity, I guess. Luckily, my kids have outgrown these creepy things they've done out of inquisitiveness:
Pull On Your Tampon String
There is no button, lever, zipper, or string that my kids didn’t want to mess with when they were toddlers. I learned fast not to walk around without underwear during that time of the month. It was just too tempting for them to yank on that white thread they saw dangling between my legs.
Combine Food In Gross Ways
I agree with my children: broccoli tastes a lot better doused in ketchup. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t stop with a single condiment. They added maple syrup, butter, shredded cheese, and some pickled ginger that had expired a year ago. I thought they were expanding the limits of their palates! I thought wrong.
Make Potions Out Of Bath Products
“Don’t touch the container!” my 5-year-old commands. “I made a magic potion and it has to sit there all night for it to work tomorrow.” Strange, but this “magic potion” looks eerily like three kinds of conditioner and body wash mixed with dirty bathwater.
Tell Strangers What You Look Like Naked
Isn’t that the best? If they see mom naked, they must tell everyone how squishy and lumpy she is. I know I can’t show them how much it embarrasses me to have them discuss my body. I need to convey body confidence to set a good example. Still, I would turn bright red, as would the stranger they described my butt to.
Empty A Pile Of Trash Into Your Bag Because It’s Treasure
My kids love to collect things. Some of it I understand. I mean, who doesn't love Pokemon cards, seashells and even a movie ticket stub or two, right? Still, most of what they collect is just garbage. Like, literally garbage. They’re fascinated by discarded gum wrappers, pebbles (boring concrete ones, not even the cool kind you find at the beach), and nasty pigeon feathers. We live in New York City, where everything on the ground is sure to have been splashed by dog pee (or worse). Does that deter tiny fingers, though? Nope. My kids are convinced these magical finds are to be rescued and saved. In my purse.