Your first few weeks as a new mom feel like they go way too fast and like they will go on forever, simultaneously. For me this time is bittersweet, filled with warm baby snuggles, intense worry and self-doubt, seemingly endless diaper changes and feedings, and some seriously weird moments when I just have to laugh to keep myself from crying.
In fact, some of the things I did in my new-mom haze I can't help but blame severe sleep deprivation and leave it at that. The impact of sleep deprivation is real, you guys. It changes you. Seriously. Even now, being a new mom for the third time, you would think I would be less of a hot mess. Nope. I can't believe I didn't remember how bad it was, but apparently the insanity of it all slipped my mind. That might be because my Facebook memories from my first few weeks with my older children make everything seem so serene and perfect.
I am sort of mad at my past self for not posting about the reality of new parenthood, like the times (yes, times) when I was so tired I opened the front door topless, or when I accidentally locked myself out of the house, leaving the baby completely alone. Then, there was the time I fell asleep and spilled a glass of wine on my newborn. There have also been the moments I've laughed to keep from crying, like the fights I picked with my partner at 2 a.m. about whose turn it was to check on the baby or the time I poured a bottle of pumped breast milk down the drain, proving that there are times when you should totally cry over spilled milk. Well, I am done pretending to be a perfect mom, so I'm going to be totally honest and share the weirdest, most embarrassing things I did in my new-mom haze. Things like: