You had a first meeting other moms dream about and felt this instant, great connection. You speak each other's unspoken languages and, as a result, you've become inseparable. Then all of a sudden you're coming up on your weekly play date with your new mom bestie, but she hasn't reached out and your calls go straight to voicemail. It's like she's just disappeared, and you have no idea why. There are actually quite a few reasons "that one mom" could be ghosting you.
It's been awhile since I was part of the online dating scene, so "ghosting" is a relatively new word in my vocabulary. It's not a new concept for me, that's for sure. I've been both the victim and perpetrator when it comes to dating. I experienced more breadcrumbing because I was willing to accept so little from the person I was dating, but it would be hypocritical of me to complain. After a first date when I just wasn't interested, I'm guilty of just not responding to text messages. I avoid conflict, and that seemed like a good method, although I realize now how disrespectful that was of the other person's feelings.
I had no idea ghosting could happen in friendships, and mom friendships in particular. I know a lot of moms are hesitant to become close with me because my spouse is in the military and we move every three years. That's fine, but I think we can all agree that honesty is the best policy and ghosting is the worst way to end a relationship. Valid or not, this mom probably has her reasons. It's just that most of them make her sound a whole lot like that tool you met at a bar in college.
She's Just Busy & Honestly Forgot
We're moms. We get it. We too feel the constant leak of brain matter from our ears. I've totally spaced on doctor's appointments and paying the credit card bill, which would never have happened pre-motherhood. So maybe she had to run to the store because she ran out of goldfish crackers or her kid ate a bunch of unripe cherry tomatoes from the garden and is leaving a trail of diarrhea down her hallway. It's not unheard of, but it's also not that hard to send a text once things settle down.
She Found Someone Else
Yeah, this one stings: the other woman. You know the one. The cute brunette with glasses whose kids look like they stepped out of a Gap commercial. She sells essential oils and teaches Kindermusik... and she's replaced you. It sucks, and now you have to look at pictures of them together on Facebook at your wine and painting place.
It's Not You, It's Her
It's probably you, and it's entirely possible that it's about that comment you made about how much sugar is in that baby food pouch she likes to give her kid. Oops.
She's Just Not Ready For That Kind Of Commitment
Maybe the weekly story times, splash pads, and park play got to be a little much for her. I mean, it took her three weeks just to decide on a convertible car seat. Do you really have time for someone who doesn't even know their Starbucks order? (The caramel macchiato. You want the damn caramel macchiato.)
You're Too Different
Opposites attract is certainly true in my marriage, but does it hold water in a friendship? She's a conservative, and you're a liberal. She's crunchy, and you're silky. She's a Capricorn, and you're a Cancer. I don't know. I really value my friends that, on paper, appear totally incompatible with me.
I think we can always find common ground, unless you don't vaccinate your kids. In that case, even I will unfriend you.
You're Too Alike
You're clearly soulmates, kindred spirits even. You drink the same wine (whatever's on the bottom shelf that has the cutest label), you both pine after Jamie Fraser, and you'd both be sorted into Ravenclaw (obviously). Why isn't this a match made in heaven?
Keep in mind that sometimes the things that annoy us most about people are the things that remind us of what we like least about ourselves. It could be that she's just avoiding some inconvenient truths about herself.
She Lost Her Phone
I'm going to call bullsh*t on this one. I didn't believe it when that jerk of a frat guy said it, and I don't believe it now that it's a millennial mom's claim. I'm not saying it didn't happen. Maybe her toddler deleted all her contacts or hid it under the couch cushions, but most moms I know will search frantically until their love brick is back in their hands.
It Got Too Emotionally Intense
OK, so maybe I shouldn't have revealed that I have a crippling fear of rejection as a result of my father's abandonment of his family when I was a child. On our first play date. At the park. While crying into my latte.
You know what, though? I'm with Marilyn Monroe on this one: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. So if the mention of miscarriage sends her running (because it made her uncomfortable and not because it was triggering for her), she's likely not worth your time.
She's Keeping Her Options Open
Yes, she received your child's birthday party invitation, but she hasn't sent an RSVP because something better might come up. Or she might get up that morning and decide she'd rather stay in her pajamas and binge the latest season of Orange Is The New Black. It's a dick move, and it says a lot about her.
She Kissed (Play)Dating Goodbye
She's had enough of freezer meal exchanges and field trips to the zoo, so she's leaving "the scene" to focus on "what really matters." You know, her children and her "music."
She's Just Not That Into You
I know, I know. She seemed really interested in your latest Pinterest recipe (that honey-mustard chicken was the bomb) and your opinion on the best time to potty train (when your kid's ready, duh). The sooner you accept this sage wisdom from your bartender (or more likely your barista), the sooner you can move on to someone better.
Honestly, this is the most likely reason. Someone who ghosts you is very likely a coward. You don't need that sh*t in your life. Chalk it up to immaturity, and remember: there are plenty of mom fish in the playgroup sea. You just haven't found your lobster yet.