I'm not one to buy into the trope of the bumbling first-time father who can't figure out which appendage goes in which onesie hole, but even I have to admit there's a reason we all laugh at the meme of the dad "getting the kids ready for bed" (read: wrestling). They're dads, and they inevitably do dad stuff. I knew my partner couldn't be the only one yelling at his kid for being too close to the TV, so I asked moms to share the most stereotypical dad thing their partners have ever done. Let's just say they're a predictable bunch.
My husband is a very competent parent. He makes a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich and wipes butts with the best of them. I'll even admit that his swaddle game is better than mine. That doesn't mean he doesn't fall victim to dad traps, though — namely, putting our daughter's outfits on backwards. It blows my mind because, um, clothes have tags. He dressed her for splash day at preschool, and if I hadn't thought to check under her shorts and t-shirt, she would have been playing in the kiddie pool with her swimsuit on the wrong way.
Don't get me wrong. I love the socks and sandals set. Just a few weeks ago, my dad texted me to ask for my phone number, and it was the best thing that happened to me that day. So although we won't reduce them to their classic dad moves, we will have a laugh at their expense.
"I swear to God above it takes all of my strengthen not to throat punch my husband when he says, 'Oh, so you want me to babysit?' No, dude. It’s called being a parent. You made him, you watch him!"
"I ask him to do something, or even if he just says he is going to do something, and then an hour has passed and it still hasn’t happened, so I get up and start doing it and then he realizes what’s happening and comes back with the, 'I was just about to do that!'"
"This morning, my husband woke up at 6:30 a.m. He then laid in bed for 1.5 hours. I showered, got the kids up, fixed them breakfast, got myself and both kids dressed, and he still was not ready to leave for church. Seriously, what takes you so long to get ready?"
"A couple of years ago, we dressed up our boys and took them to get pictures with Santa. The next day was Christmas Eve, and we were hosting a big family celebration. My husband dressed our older son that morning and sent him downstairs, where I was cooking. My 3.5-year-old walked into the kitchen wearing his 1.5-year-old brother’s Santa photo finery."
"I gave up on my husband changing diapers when our daughter was around 4 months old. I got tired of him always running to the sink to throw up while leaving her diaperless."
"He falls asleep sitting up on the couch or recliner. My dad did this growing up (still does), and now my husband does as well."
"Dad jokes. Nonstop. Sorry I can't be more specific, but I try to wipe them from memory."
"Goes to the bathroom for 30 minutes at a time."
"He's way more competent now, but calling me for help/asking when I will return shortly after I left him alone with the kids."
"If the fridge is open for longer than five seconds, he yells at the kids to close it so they don’t let all the cold air out."
"He has a really good 'stern dad' voice, and this says a lot about me, but it’s very sexy."
"Hubby wears the jean shorts and has his socks pulled all they way up his calf."