Yesterday, I was cooking dinner and my 7-year-old (who is a very bright boy, by the way) started wailing like I've never heard him wail before. I ran to find him lying on the floor holding his eye. "What happened?!" I demanded over and over as he screamed. "I shot myself in the eye with a dart gun!" he answered. Um, what? Moms are usually the ones privy to their kids most WTF moments, but even I couldn't see this particular scenario coming.
OK, so I will level with you: I've been shot with this particular dart gun. I won't go into the details (this is about my son and his questionable decisions, people!), but I can tell you that it hurts... from a distance. I can only imagine what shooting yourself in the eye with that very same gun feels like. Thankfully, my son did eventually calm down long enough for me to check for blood (there was none), to see if he could see out of his injured eye (he could), set him up with an ice pack, and get some more information.
When I asked him how he shot himself in his eye, my son said that he wanted to see "how fast it would come out." When I asked him if he did, in fact, shoot himself on purpose, he said, nonchalantly, "Yeah." All I could do was stare at my sweet, sniffling son in absolute silence. Then, of course, I just had to ask why in the world he would think shooting himself in the eye would be a good idea. Now please remember, the kid is actually very smart. But his response? "It was a bad idea. I should have held it farther away from me so I would have had time to dodge it."
And that's when I had to try very, very hard to keep myself from laughing.
My son is fine, just FYI. Within a few minutes he stopped crying, and within an hour the redness around his eye had gone away. All's well that ends well but, seriously dude... That's where you think this plan fell apart? For real? Your inability to dodge the dart? Not, you know, the part where you shot yourself in the eye on purpose? What the actual eff?
Thankfully, the following moms know that when it comes to inexplicably weird kid behavior, we're all in this together.