Raise your hand if you look forward to your yearly visit with your gynecologist! Anyone? No one? Bueller? Yeah, laying naked on a table while you're feet are in stirrups and your lady bits are getting probed isn't exactly my idea of a "good time." It's no surprise, then, that everyone in the waiting room at a gynecologist's office is on their phones, busy texting their friends to avoid making eye contact. The texts every woman sends while at the gynecologist all probably tell the same awkward tale. You know the one about that time you paid someone to probe you and violate your personal space? Yep, that's the one. Though you tell it every year, it never gets any less intrusive or weird or at least mildly annoying.
The gynecologist's office is always awkward, but it's a rite of passage in every woman's life; one where she walks in as a naive girl and leaves as a woman who values her reproductive health. Awkward or not, gynecologic visits play an extremely vital role and are absolutely, wonderfully, necessary. The men and women who choose to become gynecologists should wear capes instead of lab coats, because the work they're doing is some of the most important work in the world and, honestly, we should be thanking them instead of fearing them.
It's safe to say that most women don't actually enjoys their annual pap smear, but it's something that we all have in common. At least, now, we have our phones handy and can communicate our struggle while we wait for that annual shake down. Would a visit with the gynecologist be complete without seeking a sense of solidarity from your friends via text? No way. Haven't we all sent these texts at some point? Absolutely.
When Sitting In The Waiting Room Feels Like A Prison Sentence
Walking into your gyno's office can sometimes give you a sense of impending doom. It's like you know what's about to go down, and that it's necessary and beneficial and healthy and completely routine, but you're still not thrilled at the idea of having to strip down in front of a nurse and a doctor like it's no big deal.
When You've Come Up With A Brilliant And Innovative Idea
Obviously, they can't actually do this before your exam, but they could at least offer you a coupon to happy hour on your way out the door or something. That would be the only decent thing to do in the situation.
When You Realize That You're Part Of A Sisterhood
When You Catch The Baby Fever
Aren't newborn babies the best? They're so tiny and adorable and innocent and peaceful, and their heads are so fuzzy. They're so perfect that they will make you want to consider talking to your doctor about having a baby.
When You Swear Not To Drink The Water
Toddlers are gross. They're cute, at least, but they're also loud and sticky and sort of obnoxious and, wow, maybe you're not ready to sign up for that inevitable club after all.
When You're Actively Trying Not To Make Eye Contact With Anyone
Have you ever noticed how hardly anyone makes eye contact with one another in the waiting room of a gynecologist's office? Think about it: you're all visiting the same doctor, and you're all likely getting a similar intrusive exam. You're all in it together, but you won't even look each other in the eye. #Awkward
When Everyone Else Is Also Avoiding Eye Contact
They're probably all texting their friends the exact same thing as you. Seriously, how did people ever survive these visits without their smart phones there to help them avoid interacting with other humans?
When You Pray To Father Time
Though gyno visits aren't exactly fun, they're a very necessary part of keeping an eye on your health, and the visits will continue to be yearly (for most of your life) to ensure that everything is functioning as it should. Even if you're not having sex or kids or intercourse of any kind, you still need to have a yearly visit to check for possible gynecologic issues.
When You Curse Mother Nature
Mother nature is a sexist jerk. Seriously, women don't get paid as much as men for the same work, we grow children inside our bodies, we push humans or have humans cut out of us, and we're the ones who have to get probed to ensure that our health is on par? Not. Fair.
When You're Projecting
Yes, it does. But remember, gynecologic health is incredibly important, so just play Candy Crush on your phone until your turn is over and say "thank you" on your way out.
When You Feel Played By Your Gynecologist
Although, if I'm being honest, I've been on a few first dates that were way, way worse.
When You're Certain That Having Sex Will Make You Die
We need to be aware of the risks of sexually transmitted diseases, but we don't necessarily need to be in fear. The HPV posters and safe sex pamphlets all over a gynecologist's office can seem overwhelming, sure, but they're simply there to make us aware, not ashamed.
When You Need Some Vaginal Validation
Every girl wonders at some point in her life if she's "normal" down there. Hint: you are.
When You're Trying To Act Like You're All Pals From Way Back
I mean, what are you supposed to talk about when someone is sticking a speculum inside you? Pretend like you don't notice? Talk about the weather? Tell them about your vegetable garden? It is what it is, so why do doctors try to treat it like an afternoon brunch. Seriously, get in and get out.
When The Torture Is Finally Over
Hallalujah! Only 365 more days until we do this dance again!