It's, admittedly, a somewhat small number of people who contemplate what having sex as a single mom is like before they have a kid, since most people don't plan on being a single parent at all. Yes, some wildly brave souls consciously choose to set out to do the mom thing on their own, but for the most part, most of us think we're going to be doing the child-rearing thing and the sex-having thing with the same person. Planning to bring a new child into your family doesn't historically include contemplating notions of what your sex life will look like if you suddenly find yourself both "single" and a "mom" — these are two identities whose lifestyles don't have a lot of overlap in terms of how we're socially trained to regard them.
But as it turns out, life is an unpredictable, stunning, fantastic hellscape wherein you routinely find yourself in places you never expected, and single moms exist. And they have sex. What's more surprising than the fact that single moms exist and have sex is that a great many of them truly love being single parents, and the sex that a lot of them are having is legit the best they've ever had.
And I don't mean "we're having the best sex ever" in a "let's lie to ourselves and say this is the best sex of our lives because those lives are now a ceaseless series of compromises that occasionally give us deeply divided feelings about our decision to have kids in the first place, and frankly, we need to believe this" kind of way. I mean, single moms are having the best sex of their lives in a "my 22-year-old, childless vagina had no idea it could be like this" way that everyone else should be jealous of. Here's why:
Because You're Doing Something Without Your Kid
Sex is definitely more fun than almost any other activity known to gods or man, but honestly, doing anything in the company of other adults sans kid is extremely the best.
Because You Successfully Made Time For Something That's Good For You
Well, look at you, you little schedule coordination genius. You found time to have sex, ostensibly while your child is elsewhere having all their basic needs met! You're a hero. Get yours, baby girl.
Because You Appreciate It More
You know how some memories from your pre-kid life seem to fade into some distant part of your brain that's too exhausted to ever engage, so you just forget they existed? Then people remind you and you're like, "Oh yeaaaah, I kinda remember that from a past life" as you sink into a fog of unforgiving nostalgia?
Yeah, the freedom to have all the sex you want, whenever you want, is not one of those things. You always remember what that was like. Your vagina never forgets. Which means that when you do make time for sex, you enjoy it that much more, for time needed to do dirty things with another human is in exponentially more meager supply than it once was.
Because You Know Your Body Better Than Ever
Hey, you know what you're doing on the nights when you're too tired/busy/lazy/maxed out your babysitter budget and thus aren't having sex with someone else. You're masturbating. And you're getting super good at it. Like, you were always good at getting yourself off, but now you're like "could teach a master class in clitoral navigation" good.
If you want next-level sexy times with a partner, the most formidable thing to bring into the bedroom (or bar bathroom; I don't know your life) is a strong working knowledge of your own body and what it likes.
Because You Have The World's Best Excuse To Bail Right After
Maybe you're only sleeping with people whose company you actually enjoy, and in your perfect world, you'd have all the time you want to cuddle and sleep together. But being a mom doesn't magically sanitize every part of your life (although you do always have hand sanitizer, so the odds certainly are more in your favor on that front), and your dating life post-kid are likely as fraught with sexual situations you can't wait to exit as it was pre-baby. Luckily, having to go do [insert unspecified child-related responsibility that's actually irrelevant so really just feel free make some sh*t up here] provides an ideal excuse to hit it and quit it.
Because You're Less Likely To Worry About What The Sex "Means"
Single moms are arguably more intentional about our relationships than anyone else. We know what we want, and what we don't want, and we're fairly expeditious about identifying who is likely to give us what — and we're comfortably aware that we will almost never get everything we want from one person. Not every single mom is looking for a long-term partner and co-parent, nor is every single mom aggressively opposed to anything other than super casual dating. Basically, we're like any other single woman, just... better at it. We're more efficient, more uncompromising, and have so many other actually important things going on in our lives that we don't expend the energy necessary to agonize over what a relationship is or where it's going.
Some of this definitely does have to do with the fact that we have kids. When you start examining potential romantic partners through the lens of "should this person ever be a part of my kid's life, and if so, in what way?" you get acutely good at quickly figuring out how a person will or will not fit into your life. There's a lot less agonizing about defining new relationships because you don't have time for that, and you likely already know what's up.
All told, single moms rarely go into sex without already having (or at least, totally believing they have) a solid handle on what it's about. And anytime you can have one less reason to be lost in your head during sex, the more present in the moment you'll be, which will always be the thing that makes sex the best no matter who you are.