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9 Creepy Things Kids Do To Their Toys, Because Playtime Gets Weird

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Watching kids with their toys is like having a window to a world you don't know existed. Children act differently when they're around their toys than say, when they're around grown-ups; sometimes for the better, sometimes for the stranger. In fact, if you pay attention, you'll notice all the creepy things kids do to their toys and wonder what the freakin' hell is going on. I mean, this is normal behavior, right?

My daughter's favorite activity has always been undressing her dolls and playing with them sans clothes. It took me a long time to wrap my head around this concept, but the conclusion I've come to is that nudity is the great equalizer. A Barbie™ without fashionable clothing is just another plastic toy with hair, not dissimilar to her (my old) My Little Ponies™, who are also plastic with hair. A Cabbage Patch Kid™ without clothes isn't that different from her favorite stuffed monkey, either. When she lines up her dolls to play "school," a naked baby and a bunny rabbit are on equal footing. My daughter is clearly a social rights activist in the making, fighting stigmas and being body positive and combating the idea that nakedness is inherently "weird." Or, you know, she's just playing. Either way, I'm proud.

Of course, there's also the times when she sucks on the corner of her security blanket, after sticking it down her shirt for the afternoon, so perhaps we're putting the cart before the horse. Kids are weird, alright? In fact, I'd argue that they're even weirder when it comes to how they play with their toys. Don't believe me? Well, here are nine creepy things kids to do their toys (that I really wish they didn't):

Undressing Them And Leaving Them That Way

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Why? Why do kids everywhere feel the need to take off their toys' clothing and discard it? Why all the naked dolls? Not that I have a problem with nakedness, but these dolls aren't exactly anatomically correct, most of the time, so they're kind of weird to look at.

Sticking Them Up Their Nose

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The age old question, "Will this fit in my nose?" needs to be answered with each toy that arrives in our house. At least that's the case with my son.

Sucking On Them Until They're Deformed Or Permanently Wet

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This drives me crazy. Dragging a blanket around everywhere they go, and then sticking it in their mouth to suck the color right out of it is truly disgusting, but don't you dare try and take it from your kid.

Putting Them In Bizarre Positions

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The other eternal question kids need to address is, "Can this doll do the splits?" Then they go about putting two dolls doing the splits together, and you have to smile and nod and tell yourself not to change the dolls' position, lest your child starts thinking that something is wrong.

Giving Them Names They've Never Heard Before

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My daughter has a tendency to go for names that are unpronounceable and don't exist in any human language. I can't be sure if she's the only one, but I'm guessing she's not.

Making The Pets Play With Them, Too

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If you have a dog or a cat, you know that poor animal is going to end up being a pony, at some point. Then, of course, there's always the chance that they'll get fed some pretend cupcakes, or get dressed up in bows and hairbands.

Sticking Them Down Their Shirt

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I'm not sure if this is because kids love the feeling of a soft stuffed toy on their chest and belly, or whether they're trying to emulate being pregnant? Although, to be fair, my son has stuck his plastic dinosaurs down his shirt as well, so your guess is as good as mine.

Refusing To Go Anywhere Without Them

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To the bathroom, to the park, to school. If dinosaur/monkey/stupid dog that sings when you squeeze its paw doesn't come along, all hell breaks loose, and we'll, more than likely, need to go back and get it.

Loving Them One Second Only To Throw Them Against The Wall, The Next

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So fickle, these kids. There are days when my daughter softly sings lullabies to her favorite doll for 15 minutes, and then knocks her head on the floor. If I ask her why she's hurting her baby, she looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "She's just a toy, mom." Oh. Right.