Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

9 Myths About Single Moms That Need To Die Immediately

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Honestly, I can't relate to the stereotype of the depressed single mom, struggling to make it while trying to find a man to rescue her. I don't see myself when the quirky "best friend" mom or dowdy divorcée — who also, of course, need a man — or the aging professional who decided to skip the man and have a baby anyway, are portrayed on TV shows or in movies. These stereotypes give people the wrong idea about single parenthood, and perpetuate those damn myths about single moms that need to die, like immediately.

Being a mom is hard. Being a single mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. It doesn't help that people judge the hell out of you for having the audacity to parent on your own. It might be hard to believe, but being a single mom doesn't automatically mean that someone is poor, depressed, or struggling. If I stick to the truth, I have to admit that at times it was freaking amazing. Being a single mom didn't mean I couldn't keep a man, was always actively looking for a man, or even like men in the first place. In my case, I left my ex-husband, not the other way around. He couldn't keep me, and for the longest time I was in the least bit interested in dating or being around men in general.

It seems like single moms can't win or that society thinks they should apologize for even existing, which is pretty crappy considering how hard they have to work to juggle the responsibilities of motherhood, maintaining a home, going to work, and managing to get some "me time" once in a while. I think it's about time we bust some of the worst single mom myths, because enough is enough.

Ad failed to load

We Couldn't "Keep A Man"

What in the fresh hell is this bullsh*t? I mean, not only is this assuming that we had or wanted a man in the first place, but it also negates the experience of badass moms like me, who left our partners because we didn't want to "keep them." A single mom's worth as a woman and a mom is not defined by the guy on her arm, for the love of all things that make sense. To claim otherwise is sexist.

We Don't Love Our Kids

Giphy

In my case, my decision to leave my partner wasn't a selfish one. I left my ex-husband so I could give my kids a better life, and I actually think I am a better parent for it. But even if I left just for me, my kids deserve a happy mom. Besides, plenty of people who have been raised by single moms go on to do amazing things.

We're All Poor

When I left my ex I actually had a great job. It was hard to adjust to my new budget and lifestyle, but we weren't poor. I actually had people refuse to rent to me because they were afraid I wouldn't be able to pay the bill each month. Which, in addition to being totally illegal, was completely unfair and untrue. And while some single moms are poor, maybe we should start looking at why — lack of jobs, unaffordable child care, failing support networks, dads refusing to pay child support, and inadequate public assistance — rather than blaming them for being poor.

Ad failed to load

There Is Something Wrong With Us

Giphy

The idea that a mom who is no longer married to her kids' other parent (or was never married in the first place) is somehow defective is so 1950. There's nothing wrong with me. I chose to become a single mom. It wasn't always perfect and it was hard AF, but there is nothing inherently wrong with me. Enough.

We're Always Sad

Now, I am not saying there aren't days when you cry, scream, rage clean your crappy apartment, because those days exist. I'm not saying you won't cry while you dream about the home you can no longer afford on your own, because you probably will. Sometimes it seriously sucks to be a single mom, but other times — like when you realize that you can do it and that you all are going to be OK, or when you realize that you get to parent the way you want to parent and without arguing with someone else — being a single parent is pretty freaking awesome.

We're Gold Diggers

Giphy

This sexist misconception is just plain wrong. Believe it or not, most single moms are too busy being single moms to spend time thinking about how to "land a man." When I started dating again I was looking for fun, not commitment, so the last thing I wanted was another long term relationship. Besides, I can take care of myself and my kids.

Ad failed to load

We're Selfish

It's not selfish to want to raise your kids in a happy home, or to want to have kids on your own without a partner. In fact, going it alone, and giving up so many things to raise your kids as a single parent, is pretty much the definition of selflessness. And single moms deserve time for self-care, too, and arguably needs it more than most.

Single Moms Have "Broken Homes"

Giphy

Single parent homes are whole, not broken. Please, let this myth die in a fire. While I eventually remarried, I didn't have to have a partner to be enough for my kids. My kids were happy and well cared for with one parent, thank you very much.

We're Bad Parents

Contrary to popular belief, leaving my ex-husband didn't make me a bad mom. In so many ways I was a way better mom once I left him and was able to parent my kids the way I always wanted to and by only one set of rules.

Becoming a single parent actually made me a better mother to my children, not a bad one.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}